Bringing Hope Home

A NEW HOPE!

2011-12-11T13:30:00.001-05:00

Please click and come on over to

our brand new family blog

THE HOPE READER

see you there!

Throw Away's

2011-10-06T23:48:00.002-04:00

You have seen, or maybe even used at least one time, one of these little disposable camera's.

I detest them. My mother, and she will freely admit to this, refuses to use anything other than these little throw away camera's. Something about digital being too confusing - oye! I have come to loath even the sound of the turning wheel on those things to advance the film. FILM? what even is that anymore? She has likely processed over 300 of these cameras in the last 10 years.

You can see I can't stand throw away cameras - PLEEZE tell me that I am not alone in that dislike....

......Until a few weeks ago came, and I took 8 throw away cameras to the CVS near us to be processed.

Special little camera's they were. You see, I had left them at then orphanage when we left Ian there after the court trip in mid July. I asked all of his caregivers and the director, to take pictures of him and his friends and themselves so that Ian would have something to show for his life before us. I wrote out the request in English and had a wonderful friend of ours Yuliana, translate the message appropriately.

I had NO idea if they would actually comply with my request, or even if they could, given all we had always heard and been told about the restrictions on taking photographs of children in orphanages. In my heart, I prayed and wished and I hoped they would, but you have to know that they DO NOT LIKE having anyone take pictures for any reason at Ian's former orphanage. Especially of themselves and the other kids. It was a crap shoot basically.

When I went to Russia in July to get Ian, not too long after I walked into the groupa, a caregiver came to me with a squished paper bag, she handed it to me like it was a new born baby. What she gave to me was a bag FULL of all of the cameras I left, all appeared to be exposed. I was shocked.

I got them developed toot sweet when we got home!

Since there are MANY pictures, and since I don't want to put ANY other adoptions in jeporady by putting these pictures here on my blog, I have posted them a private space on Ian's original website at

www.hopeforian.org/orphanagenumber40-pictures

You will need a password to view them. Please send me an email if you would like to view these pictures and I will reply with the password. Sorry for the extra step but one never knows what might be lurking about trying to make trouble for people. My email is: bringhopehome@gmail.com

Ian is home. He is rescued and safe. Here is a glimpse of his life at the orphanage.

If you choose to view the other photographs, the children you will see are ORPHANED and most of them will be dead in a few years, that is if no one rescues them. They already have a less than a 10 percent chance of being adopted. Ian's chances were even less than that because he is also a racial minority.

Ian's region in Russia is chocked FULL of waiting souls. Here are just a few of the sweet sweet babies crying out to be seen, and loved, and cared about. Please adopt, or support adoption, it's the right thing to do....and you know it.

Sweet little children, looking out the window, wondering when someone is coming for them.

Right now The Peterson Family is also crying out for you to help them. They did answer the call, they are adopting, one of Ian's friends. They need to raise $3,000.00 NOW in order to submit their dossier and become officially registered. That action will trigger the official invitation for them to travel (and the need to raise $10,000 for that trip) to Ian's former orphanage and meet their new daughter to be. I have asked you faithful few readers and friends of Ian to post about Heidi before and I am begging you now again. Snipe her photo from my blog and write a post, share on your Facebook, send a email to friends and family, make a plan at work to forgo the "secret santa" gift exchange and a make donation to save Heidi NOW. We were in this same situation with Ian, and the stress around not having the cash and no way to get it but to press into GOD and his people, and TRUST that one of you, many of you....that all of us will help.

THIS IS HEIDI

She is Ian's friend, they slept in the same room, ate together, they KNEW one another

THIS IS HER FAMILY

The made shirts to raise money for IAN and helped us spread the word when we needed to raise funds fast

THIS IS WHERE TO DONATE NOW!

They need DIRECT donations right now and you can do that by clicking below

CLICK HERE TO HELP THE PETERSON FAMILY BRING HEIDI HOME

look to the right on their blog and click the CHIPIN button to donate

and this is what WE are doing on Saturday, to start really helping Heidi. Craig will be taking repeated whip cream pies to the face. Yep, a an who dislikes whip cream and to be embarrassed, is allowing God to work in his life...he has shed his tough guy-ness for Heidi this weekend and gotten rid of any excuses. He got creative and humble for a little girl who is the smallest child in her group, who NEEDS TO COME HOME. What are YOU going to do?

First Family Photo

2011-09-19T11:40:00.002-04:00

thanks to a wonderfully talented and big hearted person who takes amazing pictures

we have our first real family photograph

many more to come:)

to visit the person behind the camera's website, just click on her name below

http://www.lesleykerrphotography.com

we were blessed to be gifted this session yesterday evening by this awesome group

http://www.inspirationthroughart.org

if you too have children with special needs you too can get a professional shoot free of charge and full of love! Just apply and choose your photographer!

Beyond Our Means

2011-09-14T09:58:00.019-04:00

Since my last post, when Ian had been home for one week, I have not had much time to sit and process the events of his homecoming as they have unfolded. I wish I was disciplined enough to be keeping a daily journal of his transformation, and ours. Truly, I think it is utter exhaustion that keeps me from it. Make no mistake, the relief that is afforded to be "done" with the travel and the major expenses involved in an international adoption is HUGE, but "after the airport", its a whole different ball of wax. (HINT: click on the after the airport link to read a fascinating and TRUE life narrative of what we have and are and will experience here at home with Ian, this adoptive mama said it SO well that I wouldn't try to say it better. It really is a MUST READ).

So much happens here each day, it is amazing to all of us. I'm gonna hit the highlights with this post, pray for some time to process and then write a really "deep thoughts with Jack Handy" kind of post before I have to go back to work, and share a bunch of awesome pics today.

I'm also going to YELL and SHOUT as much as I can for this sweet baby girl who is in Ian's FORMER orphanage, waiting for her mama and papa and sisters to come and rescue her. She is Heidi, and she needs to get the heck out of that place. Her family is where we were a year ago at this time, in the throws of the homestudy, tests and clearances, and compiling the VERY complex and difficult first dossier. Russia is no joke people, they make it perhaps the most difficult it could be for families to even get approval for that first trip, and every time an American adoptive parent of a Russian child does something sinful, it gets that much harder. Russia could close to US adoptions, at any moment, and once you begin the process to bring a child home, you are always praying that nothing like that will happen. It is IMPERATIVE that Heidi's family raise all of the money to save her, and because WE KNOW the gut wrenching and sickening feeling of needing close to $50,000.00 to save a human life of an innocent child, WE ARE BEGGING for YOUR help to be the hands and feet of Jesus for the Petersons.

Please make a tax free donation at Reece's Rainbow HERE, to help bring this sweet baby girl to a home where love awaits, something she has NEVER experienced before. This family were CHAMPS for Ian, they made tee shirts, fundraised in the midst of their own decisive journey to step out on faith to bring Heidi home, and they have supported us in prayer. I took this picture of Heidi when we were at Ian's orphanage for court. Heidi and Ian were FRIENDS there, the second photograph of them was given to us by the groupa caregivers. This baby girl is small and needs to loved and fed up. She needs to go to school and thrive. SHE NEEDS YOU TODAY to extend your heart, your prayers, and frankly people - your wallet - to BREATHE LIFE INTO her one chance to come home.

How important is this? Is Heidi too old to benefit now from a family? Will she be able to transition? Why should we help this child and this family? Who cares anyway? Aren't these throw away kids, I mean her biological parents didn't care, why should I?

Hmmmmm.....all valid questions, all with answers, that I am really humbled to say IAN CAN ANSWER all by himself. Take a look people, and be moved to action to help Heidi leave the place where Ian was, because it DOES MATTER, every dollar, every penny. Donations brought Ian home, all $42,000.00 of them, and after NOT EVEN ONE MONTH in a loving, safe, fun, and REAL home with a mommy and daddy and brother.......

Just look and read, and realize, that you can be a BIG part of saving a child - TODAY.

IAN IS LEARNING! and fast too! Ian started school this past Monday. He is attending our local elementary school in a pre-kindergarten special needs self-contained cross categorical classroom. Whew - that was a mouthful! In lay terms, it means Ian is in the best type of classroom for his needs at this time, with a small number of children and teachers with special education and training to help him learn. I had the great pleasure to watch him for about an hour on his first day and man, while his first day was a little rough, being in the class, observing the teacher, I just walked away KNOWING it was a perfect fit for him. The other children in his class are ADORABLE! all of them! I mentioned to the teacher as I left that she must just smile all of the time, as there is no chance you can't given all the cuties in that classroom of all little boys.

The first day of school, Ian was dressed and ready and he screamed with excitement when we got there. He KNOWS the places we go already and he knew we were at school on the first day. Since he got home, he has cried and thrown his little mini-fits (consisting of crying and or screaming, stomping of the feet, pulling from our grasp, and perhaps fist pounding) when we have dropped Ari off at his school in the mornings. He SO wanted to go into Ari's classroom and participate. That was my first hint that taking him to school and leaving him there might be okay.

It was no mistake that had met Ian's teacher, Ms. L., TWICE prior to this day. The first time was in May, for ARI's IEP meeting! I knew she looked familiar but did not realize it until I met her on Monday (again) to take Ian to school. The second time was in August, right before I left for Russia to go and get Ian and bring him home. She was a participant in a training that I did for work on special education preschool curriculum. Funny thing, I used Ari and Ian as the two mock students for that training, and then afterwards, I told the 100 teachers in the room that these two boys were real kiddos and that one of those teachers would have the chance to see Ian everyday as HIS teacher. I feel certain that it is not a mistake that Ian's teacher is this particular person. She is the perfect mix of firm and caring. She's not fooled by his utter eat you all up kind of cuteness, or his cunning intelligence - she is right on the money with him, and that my friends is a blessing of GIANT proportions. There is NO battle necessary at school to get Ian what he needs, and we are SO thankful for that as it would have been beyond our means to orchestrate the perfect setting for him. God did that.

Technically, Ian has been retained at the Pre-K level. If we would have placed him strictly based on age, he would be in a much different setting, and missing all of those things that make Pre-K the developmentally right choice for a kid that has not had the benefit of growing up in a family or ever being taught a single thing. Pre-K is play based, and that is what he needs right now. His teacher is providing us with daily reports this first week and instead of re-writing them, I am just pasting them here so you can get a taste of what his first days at school have been, granted there have only been THREE of them! When Blogger wants to play nice, I will post some video of Ian at school, so be sure to check back for that this week!

DAY ONE

He wanted to walk around the room and touch most things, but did not appear interested in engaging in a specific activity. Of course we helped him engage until he heard the timer and it was time to transition :) (Gretchen writing: This means he threw a mini-fit and had to be physically moved) During snack, he ate a handful of goldfish and asked me (I'm assuming it was Russian) if he could have a doughnut hole when he saw a Dunkin Doughnut box on our shelf. I gave him one and he signed more and got another one. He LOVED the doughnuts, but then again, who doesn't'? :) He drank water from a straw and cup during snack. I think since he has a hard time drinking from an unlidded cup at this point, we'll use a straw until he begins to realize he can always have something to drink. At this point, if he asks for a drink, I will give him one even if its not snack or lunch. I think his peace of mind about food and drink is necessary and will provide him the security he needs to participate in other activities at school (Gretchen writing: Ian shows a HUGE need for access to food and water and he eats and drinks voraciously - remember, while he was not starving per se at the orphanage, the kids did not have free access to food and drink when THEY wanted some). After snack we went to the motor room and he played in the ball pit the ENTIRE time :) He loved rolling around in the balls and throwing them, etc... We will not be going outside for awhile until the weather is cooler and we have a little more control over the students and them staying on the rope or with a group. We will work into going outside, but we're building other skills at this point. After the motor room we came back to the room and he sat with me as I read a book. He did not prefer this activity and cried and tried to put his head down while I was reading, but would stop and look at the pictures briefly :) We will work through this of course and he will begin to love looking at pictures and hearing stories. We then went to the water table which he also loved. On a side note, he really liked washing his hands. He would become upset when we turned the water off and he couldn't rub his hands anymore. Needless to say, he enjoyed the water table but was more interested in dumping the water on the floor than using our containers to measure, pour, etc... Experimentation was the name of the game today :) At lunch he sat in front of me and did cry as you said he would when his food was presented to him. He kept pushing the food away, so I took 2 forks and put a piece of pizza on one fork and an piece of apple on the other fork. He tried for over 5 minutes to push these forks away, but I kept them in front of him and he eventually picked each one up and ate the food off the end of it. I then brought his lunch tray back in front of him and he used his fork to poke the food and eat it one bite at a time. I think this will be our ritual during lunch to help him get accustomed to sitting, eating with a fork/ spoon, and keeping the food in front of him, etc... During nap, he slept hard! He was tired and I could tell he was ready for nap b/c he was rubbing his eyes and his protests were less robust :) He went to the potty fine today and was independent just like you said he would be. He loved music and did really well sitting by the end of the day. He sat at our music group and imitated me for 15 minutes with only Ms. Jody sitting behind him in case he tried to run. He smiled and laughed quite a bit today, so I am assuming really liked school. Him taking my hand and wanting to come back in the building may also have been an indication he liked it :) LOL :) We thoroughly enjoyed having him in our class and it is our pleasure to have such a strong, capable little boy to inspire us all :)

DAY TWO - 9/13/11

He played with pretend food and cooking items for approximately 10 minutes without leaving the center or dropping it and moving on to something else. When it was time for calendar, I had to physically take him to circle and Ms. Jody had to sit behind him for the first couple minutes to keep him in his chair. He participated in group and imitated me very well. After calendar we transitioned back to centers and he went to the computer. He engaged in a cause/effect game for about 7 minutes independently using a touch screen instead of a mouse to access it. After centers we transitioned back to circle for speech and he needed physical assistance to go to his chair and sit. He protested by yelling "no" in Russian but once the music started began smiling and copying the teacher. After speech, we went to the table for snack and again a teacher needed to physically help him get to the table because he wanted to run back to centers. Once he was seated he began eating his goldfish. He asked for "more" by signing several times throughout snack. When we went to the motor room, a teacher walked beside him holding his hand while he was holding the rope. We are trying to get him used to walked in the line while holding the rope and staying with the class, but don't want to let go of his hand yet b/c he's not been immersed in our routine enough yet. In the motor room, he played in the balls and sat in the swing for the whole time. Although a couple of his classmates tried to get him to "chase" them, he preferred exploring/ throwing the balls and swinging. After the motor room, we came back to the room and had another circle. This was a short story about Farm Animals and he looked at the book when it was presented to him directly but not when it was shown to the whole class. He would imitate the teacher when she made a farm animal sound. At lunch, he ate very well. He used his fork and sat in his chair with teacher proximity only. No physical prompts to stay in his chair or use his fork were needed today, which is a HUGE improvement from yesterday. We didn't have any crying during lunch or refusal of the tray, etc... He slept hard again today during nap and we used a weighted blanket again to help meet those sensory needs to rock and pulse. He appears to like deep pressure. After nap, he folded every blanket in the room like a pro! His new job is going to be the blanket folder b/c he did it so well and was very adamant about getting all the blankets folded and put away :) Overall, he showed remarkable improvement over yesterday and yesterday was a great first day, so you guys should be proud of how well and FAST he's adjusted to school.

Day 3 - 9/14/2011

Ian had an even more fabulous day today than yesterday, so I'm really not
sure where we're going to be able to go from here! :) His independence
grows more each day with every activity we do. He played in centers today
with the microwave, food, dress up clothes (he put every piece of clothing
we had on his body at the same time including a hat) and blocks. He stayed
in the play center for almost 10 minutes without anyone prompting him or
directing him to. We haven't added many other centers to his repertoire
yet, but will as he understands the system of waiting until he hears the
timer to change centers. He also did the computer again today and really
seems to enjoy it. He looks very closely at the screen and seems stimulated
by the animation he sees. During all of our group activities he sat in his
chair with Ms. Jody sitting a couple feet behind him in case he tried to
run away. He didn't. He participated and imitated me during each group
activity we did today.

During the motor room, he approached me and said something (I'm assuming he
wanted me to tickle him b/c that's what I was doing to the other students)
so I chased him and tickled him and he played this game for a few minutes
before going back in the balls. He is already imitating the other students
and what they do b/c a couple of them starting throwing balls at each other
and he joined right in :)

Lunch time was a total non issue today. He asked for his milk and drank it
by himself. He waited for his lunch tray with no crying and when it was
given to him, he ate his food with a fork- independently. Jody and I
weren't sitting by or next to him, but were watching him from across the
table. He ate the bites we cut up and didn't stuff too much (but did a
little).

Overall, he has adjusted to our classroom wonderfully and has already
become part of us. It's like he's been here since August and is even
following our routine better than some of his more "experienced" peers :)

IAN IS LOVING! with fervor too! We have gone from a little boy who could not tolerate us touching him AT ALL in April 2011, to a little boy who COMES TO US to give hugs, to ask to be picked up, to give kisses, and to show his brother concern and affection. Ian is so smart, it is really mind blowing. There is no way he should have been behind these gates, where Heidi is now, and 70 other little slowly dying souls screaming to be rescued. Soon it will be cold in Russia again, for many months, and Heidi will stand at these gates, hoping for a chance to be on the other side, like Ian and Anya are now. Don't think Heidi needs you to help her emerge from this place? Please, I beg you to think again. These kiddos DO lose their families when all of the money cannot be raised. It happened to sweet VIKA this year, and it can happen to Heidi too, so please donate to the Peterson's now while it is fresh on your mind and while you are happy to see how well Ian is doing after leaving the orphanage.

Ian and Ari have really begun to gel as brothers. Ian's lack of speech has little impact on his ability to show love and request affection from all of us. Ian and Ari hold hands, and they even hug one another spontaneously! One of the MOST heart warming anecdotes yet on this topic was from this week. As you know, the impact of bringing another child home on Ari has been my BIGGEST worry! I was outside working on the curb appeal of our front yard, when Craig texted me to sneak into the house to see something amazing. We had put the boys to bed, or so we thought. For some time before I was alerted to the happenings a foot in their room, Ian and Ari were getting out of bed and playing with the toys in their room, which the larger lights and sounds cars and planes and the like, are stacked on top of their toy and clothing organizers. There is a red leather chair in the room too, kind of near the toy bins. I snuck up the stairs that night and they were each, in a repeating patters of doing so, getting out of bed, running around the chair and then activating each toy in sequence, running back into their beds, laughing, and then doing it again - in the DARK! Baaa ha ha ha!! It was the FUNNIEST thing!

During all of that, which we allowed to freely continue for about an hour before we had to shut it down and strongly encourage them go so sleep, Craig turned the light on without warning on them and what he saw just made the TEARS stream down my face. They were BOTH seated on that little red leather chair (which means they where squished together), HUGGING one another and laughing. AHHH - there it was - confirmation in a way, that at some point here, it IS all going to be okay for our sweet boy ARI. It was SO what I needed to know, to see and feel from all of this. The doom and gloom and the utter fear and desperation of the first week is lifting to reveal something beyond our means to construct. God has shown up in our house, big time.

IAN IS BEHAVING! making progress each and every day! We have been on several outings for fun, and doing the things that comprise normal everyday living, with more and more ease and possibilities each day. While we have kept the visiting of others to a minimum to make sure Ian attaches to us and understands we are HIS family, and not every stranger on the street, he has been to my office at work and of course, now to school AND to daycare afterwards. He has shown such wonderful adaptability and is learning to end and begin activities without throwing a fit.

One of our first big deal outings was to a petting zoo that was about a 45 min. drive from our home. This was his first LONG car ride and being out in the community where rules for behavior HAD to be enforced, and frankly, to a place where there were lots of other people who could all SEE us. Well people, HE LOVED IT! We had to hold his hand most of the time as his impulse control is still kind of non-existant (i.e., mini fits are thrown at the SITE of things that look like he wants to go for or at or do), however he FED the goats and cow like it was old home week! We had a 6 pound bucket of feed and the kid went bizerk with it! He tried to eat some too, but fast realized it was not for human consumption LOL.

Ian dived right in and was feeding all of the animals!

Ari had a little aversion to the animals eating feed off of his hands but he liked it and wanted to keep doing it as long as we helped him.

When I say he dived right in, I mean that literally too! if he could have jumped into the feed bucket himself he would have!

We've gone from this, which is BTW the most difficult thing we deal with - UTTER CUTENESS while being very naughty!! This is Ian's look after he has been naughty or not gotten his way and had a mini-fit. On this occasion, he was being naughty on purpose with an item and got it taken away after multiple directions to stop his behavior. We are in SO much trouble with that kid! He's got the pouty face an angel! LOL.

To much more of this...

I was able to take Ian to Ari's school for Shabatt Sing (Ari's attends a Jewish Preschool that is AWESOME!) Ian was imitating the Rabi during a song! He was really pretty good on this day, except for figuring out that the theater seats sprung up and down and he could fold his limber little self up in them and then laugh hysterically during complete theater silence!

What was not so long ago - screaming, crying, defying every single thing, hitting, pushing, being ugly, refusing to eat, refusing to walk and on and on.....is now at a low hum each day, and that is for sure beyond our means to MAKE happen. Ian is doing it, and he appears to want to be better, to be a strong little man who see's and understands what life is outside of all he has ever known. You cannot MAKE a child do anything, they have to want to do it and that is our goal, that Ian will come to recognize the intrinsic "wanna be a KID" and do kid stuff thing that has laid dormant in him because he never had the opportunity to just, be a child. Yes there are rules to living and getting along in a family, but they are all meant for good, and when they are followed, doors open to many options. It has not even been a month, ask yourself how amazing Ian is, go ahead, ask, we cannot even quantify it.

IAN IS GETTING BETTER! and stronger too!

Ian has been to a few more doctors appointments and had his first round of blood testing come back to us. His pediatrician again proved herself wonderful by calling us after hours to go over all of his tests and our plan for care. He will need more vaccinations, but we saved him from 5 shots by doing the blood testing for antibodies. He has some sort of something else happening with his white blood cells but she ASSURED me that was NOT a pre-cursor to Leukemia (which children with Down Syndrome are at a higher risk for development of) and that we need not take any course of action for. He will need another blood draw and round of labs because the lab failed to do three important tests, not cool. He has seen the urologist and yes, he will need some surgery there, it is 1 day in patient only because of his heart condition, otherwise it would be outpatient. We are going to and can, wait until after Christmas for that surgery to occur. In Feb. we will know more about his heart surgery and thanks for a friend, I now know that it might not be open heart, and maybe they can do it with a small incision! Yea for medical advancements!

In the next two weeks we have eyes and teeth and then brain stuff in October. His rash is gone and he's not itching, the scabies are gone and he is eating very well. He's getting heavier (yeah!) and his bones are sinking into him so that you cannot feel or see them so readily. He still falls a lot when he runs and bangs his head because he's not looking and has NO fear of anything. Teeth brushing requires a wrestling type grip on him, but we are holding out hope that both of our boys will get better at this sensory nightmare that is the sonicare toothbrush!

WE ARE BECOMING A FAMILY! a new normal is starting to settle in!

One Week Home

2011-08-31T13:27:00.008-04:00

Today, Ian has been home for one week.

It seems like much, much longer.

Everything is NOT how I ever pictured it. Some is MUCH better than we thought, and some is MUCH worse than we thought.

The important thing to keep in mind is that

WE DID IT

we answered God's calling, Ian is safe, he will not die alone within the year of neglect and starvation in a lifeless and cold institution.

He will live.

He seems very happy.

Praising Jesus.

***************************

There are a list of things we are SO thankful for, and a list of things we could for sure do without. I promised myself that I would never post that things were honky dorrie when they weren't. After some time to think about it this past week, I do feel like it is very important to write about what really happens when you finally get home, but to be frank again, I'm so darn tired and now I have a cold that is seeping the life out of me, I couldn't begin to tactfully share the hard stuff even if I wanted to.

Before we committed to adopting Ian, I read, for a long time, MANY many blogs from other families that were adopting children from Eastern Europe with special needs. It was the reading of these families stories and experiences that helped me understand that adopting Ian was going to be hard, but DOABLE.

This week has been very HARD for all of us, and DOABLE too. We are still here, and things are getting better. I look forward to the day we have a new normal that we can all count on.

I'm not totally certain how to write this post, I have a plethora of things swirling in my head, some so great you'll cry, some so downright ugly I should just keep them to myself. Yeesh, I need a moderator! I just want to really update you on how things are going here, and as for all of the emotions and hard stuff, I will spare you the details, just know that coming home is a whole NEW challenge with things that are harder then the entire 14 month adoption process ever was.

Ian is loved, that is for sure, there is no other way we could do this.

******

So, how is Ian doing?

Ian came home with scabies and we are on our second and prayerfully last application of the full body cream to rid us (yes, I got them too from being near him) of these pesky and disgusting mirco bugs;

Ian developed a whole body rash between the time I removed him from the orphanage until today, he is on an oral medication for that, it seems to be clearing and none of us have gotten the same thing so that is a blessing;

Ian has seen the Cardiologist, Dr. V. I got all of Ian's physicians on referral from a number of parents with children with Down Syndrome. I can say that Dr. V. is all that he was said to be and I love him already. He was kind and did not talk at all over my head, as all of this is totally new ground for us. Ian's open heart surgery as an infant to repair a Ventral Septal Defect or VSD, went very well in Russia, according to Dr. V, and we will never have to worry about that repair. Ian however, in the other chamber of his sweet little heart, has a problem. He has a Mitral Valve Prolapse of the, right now, moderate to severe nature. Ian will have to have open heart surgery to repair the valves in his heart that are allowing blood to leak backwards into a place in his heart where it should not be, another name for this is regurgitation. At this time, Ian will be watched by us at home for things like increased tiredness, sweating and other things. In 6 months he will have another echocardiogram to determine how the prolapse is progressing, and that will give us a better idea of when he will face surgery. There is a possibility he may also need to be placed on heart medication before the surgery is needed, but again, that will depend upon his observed disposition and the 6 month visit. We are hopeful that Ian will be fine in the future. As would any parent, the thought of open heart surgery on a 5 year old, makes me wanna cry and be overcome with worry. Yes, we could lose Ian on the operating table. God knows already what will happen so I can find some sliver of Peace in that my worry would not change the outcome. We find hope in that this particular repair of the heart has a great, over 90 percent, success rate. If the repair of the natural valve does not work, it can also be replaced by a metal valve. That would not be the optimal choice however as that would then limit Ian's lifestyle to run and play and do all those things little boys love to do. He would be on medication for life too, if that became the road we had to walk. Doing nothing about the prolapse is not an option, he heart would eventually become enlarged and he would die. Just keeping it real.

Yep, it is a lot to deal with in the first week, but I would much rather have it all laid out for us now, than later. There will be a financial impact here, as there are not many types of health insurances that pay 100 percent of anything anymore. I know many of you love Ian,and many of you have prayed for him and followed him well before we even began his adoption process. I have created a chip-in that will run from now until Ian's heart surgery is complete. Should you want to donate to the costs we will encounter, please feel free. This money will remain in his open heart surgery fund and only be used for that purpose when the time comes. The chip-in is also located at the top right of this blog and the code may be shared if you would like to help spread the word on your own blog. I looked up an estimate of the cost of mitral valve repair and with our 10% co-payment, we are looking at a cost of $5,000.00 out of pocket given no complications. We are not ASKING for donation, we just know that some people have already ASKED US how they can help, and we greatly appreciate the forethought and the care and concern for Ian and our family as we attempt to meet all of his medical needs and recover financially from the adoption journey.

Ian has seen his new Primary care Pediatrician, Dr. A. I also found Dr. A through referrals and a process of BEGGING her to take Ian since her practice is closed to new patients. She did so and I am glad, I like her and she is very competent and thorough. Ian has come in on the US Down Syndrome growth charts at the 40th percentile for weight and the 50th for height, which is pretty darn good considering he has been lacking all of the things that contribute to a child growing healthily. Ian got 4 shots yesterday to help get him up to date on immunizations. They are required for him to enroll in school here, which we will be doing tomorrow. He did get a low grade fever from the shots, but seems to be handeling it well. He screamed like a banshi during the shots, which all came right after the other, it was HARD to hold him still but the nurse was great. I really hate having to watch my little children get shots. I remember being so afraid of them until later in adulthood. He will be facing more shots soon. Bummer. So that our friend TESNEY DAVIS does not feel all alone, we are also in the throws of a fecal study to make sure Ian has not brought any parasitical visitors to our home and our bodies (w0nderful). No words.

Today, Ian and I will venture to see Dr. B, eye specialist. Tomorrow, a hearing test and then next week urology and neurology followed lastly by the dentist. My entire FMLA is being used to get him well and on the right track, and so adopting families where both parents work, please be ready to have one stay home for at least a month to get all of the first appointments in.

Ian is itching to attend school. He CRIES and KICKS and refuses to move when we drop Ari off at school each morning. Yesterday, because he's so so fast on his feet, he made it almost to Ari's classroom's circle time in the morning, shoes off and all! Ian will start out attending our local elementary school, in the special needs Kindergarten class which is small and self-contained. His IEP meeting in tomorrow morning along with registration. No worries, I am an IEP expert, it is my field so Ian will have a solid IEP with all of the necessary services and I am sure, since they remember me from Ari's meeting this summer, they will be ready to present their level best! Ian will ride the special needs schoolbus in the morning, which is great for us, it will come to the front door for him and a para is on board to get him all buckled into the carseat on the bus. School starts at 8:50 am. Then, in the afternoons, he will be walked to the daycare bus and dropped off at the daycare we contract with. We are visting the 4 choices this week, Primrose School, Kindercare, Today's Kids, and Kindercare. The prices are reasonable so we should be good in terms of having full time school and care for 2 kids with special needs. I'm voting for Today's Kids because I've driven past it a hundred times and I like the playground. Ian loves playgrounds!

Out in public, Ian is doing remarkable well. He is CALM most of the time and really only refuses to walk by pulling me or Craig the opposite direction of where we need to be going, or by starting to whine and cry. He is tolerating his 5 point harness on the carseat well too, I guess he has figured out that he cannot get out of it no matter what he does.

At home, things are coming along, but we are dealing with some behaviors in Ari that we have never seen, and so my heart is hurting for my little boy. He likes Ian, so that is not the issue. Ian is very defiant, he is also very smart. He has come from a place where hitting and pushing were okay, and likely the only way he had to defend himself or his food, as he does not speak more than three words in Russian. At home, that is not allowed. Ian struggles with that expectation, and with most expectations actually. He is not totally uncivilized, but he does at times appear to be so. We have had to leave public places because of his behavior. Ian's relationship with me is not the same as it is with Craig, and that is also causing some issues. I was with him alone for two weeks before we came home, and he and I had to get some ground rules for life in Russia. Craig and he are just starting that process, plus Ian is not at all used to a man in his daily life, they were rare at the orphanage. Being home all day with Ian, and then having to help Ari compensate for his loss all night ling, is VERY exhausting. Plus, I came down with a pretty bad summer cold and so I am sick, going on 3 days now and no end in sight. Awesome. Ian was up at 3:00 am for a while and now he's up before 6 every morning, still trying to get on that EST clock. That is hard. It truly is like having a new baby at home.

We are trying to get into a routine, but until Ian starts school, I think we will continue to struggle here at home for some return to sanity. No regrets, although I do want people to know that there is no way we can do this without God and a faith that surpasses what we can try to understand. This IS too hard for me, I admit it, but it is not to hard for God, and I know that he has never and will never leave my side, and that is how I eek out some peace in all of this. I am working on releasing the HEAVY feelings of guilt and sadness I have for my Ari, he is hurting, he cries, he cries for me, he is being naughty at school, he is changing, and I do not like it. I feel like it is all my fault, like I have ruined his life by bringing Ian here. That is the just what the devil will have be spend my heart on too, and because I am aware that negative thinking can result in negative living, I am trying to let those thoughts go. If I had had a new baby myself, this would all likely be happening with Ari anyway, so that is how I try to rationalize it. We always wanted Ari to have a sibling and as an only child, I do not think that is always such a great thing. I wish now, so badly, that I had siblings. Ari is showing grace though this, please pray for HIS peace and transition during this time.

As for Craig and I, we are running on absolute fumes. The exhaustion is severe. We look forward to a time when there will be calm again in the house and a routine and having energy again. Sleep is a commodity around here right now. We are SO tired, but we are thankful and recognize that we have been blessed in many ways and we will continue to show thanks to GOD for all we have and how we have been changed.

**************

Hope always remains when you look to God.

Our adventure to HOME, and other stories...

2011-08-26T11:55:00.005-04:00

Luda was up early Wednesday morning, and I was up at 4:45 am. She had found, from somewhere in the house, a red Bosco Russia hat that she wanted to present to me, fur lined and all. She admired my Bosco shopping bag from the other day and so I am sure that is why she searched the house for something Bosco. I wonder whose hat she gave away! I snapped this last minute picture of Luda and Ian and then we were out the door, taking the first steps towards home.

Olga and Kostya were outside well before the scheduled pick up time. I don't think I mentioned that on Embassy day, the phone at Nastia's apartment was dead. I had been told the driver would come for us at 11:00. So naturally, I went downstairs at 11:00, where I promptly got semi-hollared at by Olga, who was all consternated that she could not (1) get the code that Luda gave her to work to open the downstairs door, and (2) that she could not get through to the house phone. She was like, "...well I never...I mean I have been calling you and calling you....you have made me so nervous...." and on an on. In my mind, I was like, "....LOL, and every single thing you have told me has been inconsistent, or a lie, or total BS...and well - I NEVER!" Oye.

After she stopped harping, we pulled off and settled in for the hour drive from downtown Moscow to Domodedov Airport. By 9:00 am we would be on our flight to Frankfurt. Praise Jesus! I was SO INCREDIBLY TIRED!
As for our little orphan no more, our little miracle boy Ian, he was also SO INCREDIBLY TIRED. He has never had to fall asleep in a car, or sitting up, so you won't be surprised that he does not know how to do that. Thus, the early am car ride was a bit of a struggle for him, he was intermittantly crytting and yelling and I was like, oh muh gosh, here we go, my WORST fears are about to be realized. He's going to freak out on the plane. Err, um and then he fell asleep in the car, 5 min. before we arrived. SUPER! I had to wake him up and he was NOT having it.

We got to the airport and I had this sickening feeling of elation that we were LEAVING and TERRIFICATION (is that a word? who cares, sounds good right there), that Ian was going to loose it on the plane ride home. I remember once when Ari was about a year old. He literally SCREAMED and CRIED the ENTIRE 2 and some hour plane ride from Ohio to Atlanta. He could not be consoled. It was a living nightmare, and I was having them sorta flashbacks people, of my next 16 hours to come.

We pulled up to Domodedov and Kostya and Olga helped me into the airport. OYE VEY! I am SO happy to be gone from under Olga's "care," if you can call it that. She is a fusser, and more often than not, her fussing made everything harder. At the airport she INSISTED on helping me put my bags onto the security belt at both check-in locations. This was NOT a help to me, it made it harder because she's like 60 or more in years and cannot and should not be lifting ANYTHING more than a bouquet of flowers.

Enter, a weight problem. They sent my first bag down the belt before they had weighed my second bag, so when the girl told me I needed to remove 2 kilo's from my bag or pay $150 EUROS (which is like $10,000 American Dollars!), I was like well, I don't think that is going to work honey, as you just shipped off the only other bag I could have put those 2 kilos (which I have no idea how much that is in dirty clothes weight) in. She sent me to the Luftansa desk to pay. The woman there was WAY frustrated with me as I had disturbed her sleep. She and I fussed and then, the patron saint of overweight luggage descended upon us and she simply took my boarding pass and WAIVED the BAGGAGE FEE!

Maybe this trip home wouldn't be so bad?

Olga left, sorry, I admit, no fan fair as in the Elena vain, but I did thank her and give her a hug and wish her all the best. She is after all, the person who made it possible for us to be leaving two days early and that turned out to be SO critical for us, especially for me, I was tanking in Russia, fast.

We had about an hour for breakfast before we had to get to the gate. Ian flipped. He had had it. He started to act out majorly. He refused to eat, he yelled and screamed, he would not sit, etc...I tried to enjoy a coffee since I knew I needed some caffeine in order to deal with him on the plane (no falling asleep Gretchen, cause he'll be in the cockpit if I let my eyes off of him). Did I mention Ian HATES seat belts? Yea, he screams when you put them on, so I had that to look forward to. Sweet.

We boarded, the LAST seats in the back of the plane. This flight to Frankfurt was going to be 2.5 hours. We settled into our seats, which was dramatice because they had Ian seated in the row one AHEAD of where I was seated (oh if only that could have been true, a nanny on the plane!). The person that was UNSEATED because of it, was so confused when I tried to explain to him why a little whiney kid was in his seat, likely because he only spoke German. I guess my frantic hand modeling, pointing to me and then Ian and then his seat, my seat, and the empty seat, must have look real weird to him. ATTENDANT CALL button was pressed and thankfully, they figured it all out, in German.

So, now, the moment you have been waiting for. HOW DID IAN DO ON THE PLANE? This time, there was no patron saint, no angels hovering over. It was the right hand of God. I promise you that Jesus had to be sitting in the aisle next to Ian because...

THE CHILD WAS THE ABSOLUTE PICTURE OF PERFECTION for not only that first flight, but for the ENTIRE flight HOME! That's right, I was yee of little faith. HE DID IT, he was an angel. People remarked to me, in fact ALL the people that were seated around us on the 9.5 hour ride home, on what a GOOD BOY he was. It was the most amazing thing to watch. He just sat there and played with a little bag of toys, for 12 hours. Thank you whoever invented these baby snap rings! I got them the day before we left and he LOVES them!

He slept maybe 1 hour and after the breakfast on the flight out of Russia, he refused to eat anything. He did drink, so that kept me from too much worry. Potty was a little bit hard in that small space, but he did it and never even needed the Pull Up that I put on him just in case. I got a pic of him the short time he slept on the plane.

the last 20 min, as we approached Atlanta, he lost it. Crying, trying to get out of the seatbelt, etc...I didn't even care at that point, I just tried to comfort him although I was crying too, so that must have been weird for him. About 3 hours from landing, I got a massive migraine headache. So, I was totally fried by the time we landed. We had also had a little mishap in Frankfurt, but thankfully the GERMAN POLICE gave me back our passports!

We landed at 3:40 pm and spent the next 2 hours in US Immigration. That was fun. Ian passed out right as we were leaving immigration.

about 5:40 pm we emerged from the arrivals point and then....

Met by Ari and Craig and some other friends and family, I was SO, in fact NEVER SO, happy to be home. Craig took over Ian and I got to hug and talk to my Ari. It was a great homecoming and Ian was excited. He remembered Papa and they had some special moments bonding there are the airport.

Ari was TOO excited that Ian was home, it was SO cure to watch!

We were home. Officially however, not until Thursday, August 25th, due to Ian having a whole body rash and scabies, which I am so lucky to have contracted from him and the orphanage, that we had to seek out urgent care straight from the airport, and then find an all night pharmacy (closest one 15 miles from our house) and then apply the stuff, and THEN we could sleep, I think it was 1 am.

I had promised Ari he could sleep with his mommy, that could not happen after the diagnosis so Ian and I bunked together and papa with Ari. Not the first night home I imagined, but home none the less, slept in my own bed with at least one of my sons:) This is real life.

NOTE TO future families: BUY scabies cream and apply it to your child even if you look at them and do not think they have it, it might not show up for a few days. Application won't hurt them, or you! I regret not bringing the cream when I had that question in my mind, but I just said, ah, forget it, his orphanage is pretty clean. LOL, a clean orphanage, I'm an idiot.

Since then, we've had one full day home with Ian. He is doing well! No problems really except when Daddy and I took him to the mall this morning to buy shoes and clothes. He's testing Daddy, which is hilarious to me because daddy is now the softie! LOL.

Craig shot a little bit of video of Ian eating lunch. It captures that laugh I was trying to tell you about before, the on purpose one where Ian is like - this is so beautifully absurd to me! Lunch time with no limits, all the food I want, no screaming of other kids, no curt caregivers, no flies, no slop to eat, no one trying to snatch things from me, more if I want more. HE IS HAPPY.

Ian and I rode along to take Ari to school yesterday morning, but we did not go in. We will today, when the new normal really begins, as Craig took off from work yesterday to be at home with Ian. Today Ian and I will be alone together all day, and it will be this way for the next few weeks until I go back to work and Ian starts school.

Ari and Ian have not really spent any time together yet, but they did have an exchange in the car on the way to school Ian saying his words and Ari just darn excited that he was finally home. TOO CUTE!

We will be laying LOW LOW LOW until October 8th when we will be having Ari's birthday and Ian's welcome home party. It should be a blast, we have rented a jumpy place and the theme is carnival, complete with face painters and ballon animal makers and a cake that looks like a box of popcorn!

I may post a one week update, I may not. I'll try. Life is busy here, there is lots to be done now to get Ian ready to attend school. MANY doctors to be seen and surgeries to be scheduled. Bonding to be done, learning, sharing, growing together. In September, we will close this blog for good and launch our NEW family blog! I'm SO excited about it! and I hope when the time comes, you'll hop on over to that yet to be named blog, and stay with Ian on his journey.....

OF A REAL LITTLE AMERICAN BOY.

Ian is one less, and there are 147 million more to go. How do you change the world? ONE AT A TIME - click here to HELP Heidi come home, a little girl with Down Syndrome in Ian's former orphanage, in his same groupa. The Peterson Family are just beginning their journey so they need all the prayers and financially blessings you can share.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Home, USA

Days 9 - 11: Ready

2011-08-23T11:06:00.001-04:00

Monday night I had a plan. It worked to help me get through these last 24 hours here. The plan was to tire Ian out so much so that he would just pass out and go to sleep, and sleep past 6:00 am.

Sunday afternoon, when I got back from a much needed break, where in the other Luda was here with our Luda, babysitting Vasya, I could hear him yelling when I was coming up the steps. BTW, Luda was replaced by an English speaking sitter and she's been great.

Oye.

Since Sasha was gone, I had a hard time figuring out what happened. From what I gather, he was good for a while and then started testing the two grandmas. He won, obviously.

Smart kid.

Anyhow, I know him a bit by now and I know that he knows he was acting very badly (the whole yelling and screaming stomping thing), and then he threw food. Awesome.

What happens in your house when someone who knows better throws food? In our house, even if it does happen to be located in Moscow right now, you go to bed without your dinner if its dinner time, and if its during the day, you clean it up and spend some time in time out. Ian eats delicious food all day long so please don't comment about with holding dinner. I then got on google translate and Luda helped me learn some critical commands that I will need going forward with him. He has taken full advantage of the Babushku situation as well as my inability to speak Russia. Ian is small for his age but that is in no way an indicator of his functional age. He functions in self help skills like an 8 year old American kid. He can do mostly everything for himself, and not too shabbily either.

Smart kid.

While we were doing that, Ian came out into the hallway, pointing at the kitchen, asking for dinner. Again, Google translate to the rescue, I explained to him (through Luda) what he needs to do and he indicated he understood (no screaming, yelling, throwing food, etc..). I (through Luda) then told him if he threw food at table again, he would go straight back to bed without it. Same thing for yelling and screaming.

Guess who ate like an angel? Didn't make a peep, clam and collected.

Smart kid.

I did put him back to bed because he was tired and I know that was adding to his apparent susceptibility to melting down. He's very very committed once he gets into his misbehavior. None of this is his fault and I do not treat him like it is, however I do expect him to behave appropriately in those areas which I have confirmed that he is able to understand how to do, and that has had to start from Day 1, or Craig and I and Ari will be in a great deal of distress for a long time. Ian will be fine, I am confident of that, he understands everything that is said to him in Russian and he even knows what I am saying when I use gestures and model for him. HE KNOWS what he is doing, and that is half the battle.

I am certain at the orphanage, he and the other kids played the rotating caregivers against one another, learning which one would allow what, looking for openings to do tom foolery, etc...I mean if they had him on lock down at the orphanage, they would have never told me to be firm with him or he would take the place apart.

This is definitely tough love for me. Oh its so hard because I do feel so bad for him. I do want him to be happy all of the time but that is simply not how it will go at home and going forward. To make him think that, to pacify him and not to parent him would be, in my estimation, a grave mistake for all of us. Think I'm exaggerating? Just LOOK at this face! It's SO hard to make him tow the line of mom's expectations (and trust me, I'm the softy of the pair of Craig and I, and I don't expect or even look for perfection).

Ian is learning to be a child. It's very heartwarming to watch. He is learning to PLAY in the tub. First up: Slashing the water is OKAY to do, go at it, have FUN! I imagine splashing was forbidden at the orphanage to avoid total chaos at group bath time.

I'm actually glad that this, if it had to happen, happened now and not on the plane where I could have done nothing about it (see, I'm predicting he'll be a star on the plane, I have to think positive right!?). By the time we leave on WEDNESDAY, he should be good to go for the trip home.

He will have to learn all about regulating his emotions, that is a part of the orphanage behavior. Even if he was never an orphan, he could be acting like this, I've seen my Ari have mini-meltdowns when he's off his routine and for Ian, little guy, BAM, his while life changed. He's missed an awful, awful lot of learning time and love. Funny thing though, I don't think he misses the orphanage AT ALL. He seemed and seems READY for all of this as much as he could be. I'm happy for him about that. It's almost like he knew that there was something else. He walks the streets with me dumbfounded at the buildings, the people, the cars, the everything. He laughs purposely when we do something like sit down at a cafe, he points to some food, and they bring it to him and set it in front of him!

Oh yeah, you caught that huh? That's right, we ARE leaving tomorrow morning at 5:30 am, 2 days early! It's only money, and if I can save him and I some challenges here, I think it is best to come home early. I thought not but then seeing him struggling here (and me too), I feel it is best to get him home and into the new normal routine as soon as I can so that we don't reinforce this other stuff that is by default factors of traveling. Heck, I don't think Ari would be perfect given the amount of change involved in this many day bringing home process.

Russia really makes it difficult in terms of the adoption process. I think more kids would be being rescued from here if the travel was not so insane. It breaks you, not just financially, but physically too, three trips here in 5 months time is really hard on a family.

On Monday we walked to Red Square, at night. It was awesome. I wanted Ian to go to sleep without any issues so we walked and walked (it's about a 20 min. brisk walk from Nastia's apartment). He saw the famous Guum mall all in lights, and Red Square at night is something I had never experienced before. We did some gift shopping at Gumm and then grabbed a taxi home. I would have taken the Metro but I'm not totally confident that Ian would not freak out and I'd have no way out of there with him.

Okay, so he wanted me to pick him up so I could not get him to stand on the pavement so I could take a picture LOL, he's so lovey now it's a real blessing. Before he would resist being picked up like crazy but now he likes it. He learns fast. He LIKES affection. Thank Goodness, the damage done from being an orphan looks like maybe it won't be too too bad.

By the way, my night plan worked and he was like butter in my lap in the cab home. He normally will NOT sit in my lap (another foreign concept to him). Bed and bath was easy pieces:)

I had been to Red Square earlier that day and took some pictures. The moment I stood in the same place I had stood 23 years ago on the International Peace Walk from Odessa to Kiev and then on to Moscow, I just began to cry. It was a combination of the gradually more difficult this trip has become, the deep sinking in of the orphan crisis that I (and I know Craig too), have felt and come to realize over the last 13 months of the adoption of Ian, memories of August 1988 in Red Square when Russia was still under Communist rule and the police presence felt SO different, being at my friends home with Ian and she is not there, having a tough time with our Moscow adoption agency team, and finally maybe, wishing Ari was with me to see it all. I miss him greatly. My mother told me that he told her he does not want mommy or daddy to go away anymore.

This is Lenin's Tomb. Last time I was in Red Square, it was guarded 24 hours a day by a trio of military guards, in the same vein as the tomb of the unknown solider in the United States. You can visit but not on Mondays.

If you are lucky, you can meet the President of Russia too!

When I entered Red Square, the cross atop this church blinded my eyes. I felt like God was trying to get my attention, to remind me that he called me to this and I CAN do this and it's almost over, at least this part. Don't miss the moments, that is the title of one of my favorite songs. So, I had a nice time on my walk around the square.

This is Guum. Last time I was here, these buildings were all government buildings. Now they have all be refurbished so to speak, and the place is IMMACULATE. ALL of the stores are designer. It's really one of the most beautiful malls I have ever been in. I was debating on a purchase since before I came for this trip, some clothing from Bosco, the makers of the Russian Olympic team clothing. The knock off versions are reasonable but NO where near the same thing. Bosco is not cheap.

Eat the cookies, buy the shoes. If you know that reference then you'll get that I did make a purchase at Bosco. It was the ONE thing I got for myself in THREE trips to Russia, a country that I have loved for 24 years and where I left my heart when I was 18 years old. It was on sale, half off. You'll just have to wait and see what it is:)

Craig, doesn't this look familiar?

Here are three pictures for daddy, things we saw on our walk that you would have stopped to look at:

I guess that is the engine that is in this car.

ALL the while I am here, away from my home, I am thinking of and missing my bear, by boo, my bug, my pumpkin, my buddy, my son ARI.

Ari hs been though the ringer with this adoption too. Craig and I were able to t ake him the first time to Russia and that was great for him. This time, and the 2nd trip, he's been under the care of a cadre of people from grandmothers to hired, wonderful help. This trip, both Craig and I were gone over a period of 4 days that overlapped our trips. Ari wakes up and one parent, or both are gone, and then they magically reappear. When Craig came home this last time, Ari told him not to leave him again.

Heartbreaking. Ari's 5th brithday is coming up soon and its going to be special. We have rented a jumpy-bouncy place, the whole place, so Ari can run free and not worry about people that don't watch thier own children. It will be filled with his friends and ours, and I am looking forward to the focus being on ARI for a day, since for the last year plus, its been mostly on Ian. The theme is Carnival, so woo hoo, time for some BIG FUN!

So, this is my last post from Moscow, and from Russia. Today (Tuesday) we went to the US embassy and breezed through that process. $400 bucks for Ian's VISA, $150 to fast track his passport for departure tomorrow, and $160 bucks to even up with the driver through drop off at the airport tomorrow. We leave at 5:30 am.

It was $550.00 to change our tickets. PRICELESS to be going home.

I cannot tell you ALL, even though I could not respond to each comment or message, how thankful I have been to know that you all care about us over here and I read all of the comments and I have really been helped by them all. I know your prayers have gotten us through this trip. It's almost over.

I can't wait to post that we are HOME.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Moscow, Russia

I'm Threw

2011-08-22T04:51:00.001-04:00

I caved we are leaving in 2 days.

Thank God.

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Days 7 & 8: Trains, Caviar and the International Incident(s) oh my!

2011-08-21T10:00:00.001-04:00

Praise the lord - INTERNET CONNECTION!

I feel better now that I'm plugged in:) Since I could not access the internet last night, I am rolling two posts into one. I have to leave my good friend's flat to get wi-fi service. She does have it but we cannot get my iPad to accept the password:(

I'm officially tired ya'll and I'm now living with my friends mother Ludmila (and as of today, her husband Sasha) in my friends apartment but my friend is in Turkey. The last time I saw Ludmila, she was cursing me out in Russian LOL, for being a dumb 18 year old girl who, in total collusion with my friend, got into big trouble all over the globe.

Awesome:)

All is well though, she does NOT speak any English. So far so good, she has been bending over backwards to be nice to us. A little too much backward though, as I found out this morning when I spoke to our adoption team here in Moscow, I'll explain as I go through the post. She's being mama bear for me and I so appreciate it but she's also Cossak, and them sort of Russian's don't take no foolishness, or no for an answer!

So, yesterday went a little something like this:

- A morning out to buy flowers for E to go with her gift from us Region 2 Hand-In-Hand adoption agency families, plus a few other kind souls. I had NO clue what I was doing at the flower stand but I think I spent $60.00 on a bouquet, whups. They were really pretty, E loved them. In my mind, I thought I was spending $30.00, oh well, just don't call me a math major, in fact don't call me for anything math related. Thanks.

We took a last play at the fountain, throwing in all the random Ruble coins I had and which confuse me because of the denominations, so I was gald for Ian to throw in about 30 of them! To say he had a ball would be an understatement! I'm sure people thought I was abusing him when it was time to leave, he screamed and cried and stomped and all that. Oye.

A fond farewell to The Coffeshop Company, which was the closest I could get to Starbuck's - I started calling it "Rus-bucks" after a while.

- A tearful departure at the delivery of E's "Fund of Hope." The total gift was $3,300.00!! I have VIDEO of this moment but you all know I cannot post it till I get home, unless I find an iPad app that can handle mpegs. She cried and cried, and I am sure she would have continued had it not been in front of our driver Sergey. She said she has never been given a gift like that and I just know it was relief for her. I watched her breathe a deep sigh afterwards and to me, that spelled success for us in trying to help her get through this difficult period of her life with three families to care for and being so overworked with OUR adoptions.

- A 4.5 hour train ride with Ian, his FIRST ever, and my first ever on a new Russian train, kinda looks like the Shinkansen Bullet Train I rode in Japan. Cool! I love the fast train. I am SO SAD Ari is not here for this, he would LOVE this. Mommy will take you on a bullet train sweetie, I SO promise!

That's Elena and Sergey with Ian.

Thank goodness E and Sergey, our driver, took us right to the seats, or I would NOT have managed the luggage and Ian alone. You have to keep a KungFu grip on Ian or he'll be driving the train off before you realize he's gone!

It was a little hectic on the train, you have to be just about FIRST in line (remember this those R2 families going after me) to get a space for your luggage if you have anything other than carry on size bags that will not fit above your seat. These trains were not built to hold baggage, so it can be a fight to get space. There was almost an international incident when a guy from England put his thousand pound (haha, they use pounds for money in Britain yeah? ahahah) bag on top of mine, watched it crush them and then got mad because I asked him to please move his bag. This was AFTER the Italian tourist group ALSO asked them not to throw their heavy bags on top of theirs....Oye Vey! The English?? I had no idea, I thought the Italians we're known as the ruder ones. Rest assured, I'm being a very good representative of the United States, and I will be SO HAPPY to be HOME on US SOIL again.

Ian did great on the train, just playing in his seat, sleeping, and eating. He loves to eat, he laughs when something seems so absurd to him - like eating on a train, shoot, just being on a train has to make his mind just about explode. It's really cute to watch.

We were served a three course meal. Note to future families, choose the Fish and not the Beef, trust me on that one.

- Arrival in Moscow at 6:00 pm. I thought we were being met by our Moscow facilitators husband. This was not the case. We were met by a very much oder man who struggled with our luggage and who did not speak English well and who drove like a complete maniac. I didn't care for this change of plans without my notice. I am frustrated with the Moscow team, but I am trying to hold my tongue until we get home and then I will be writing a LONG letter to our agency. The things that are happening here could have ALL been avoided with some simple professional level communication. OYE!!!!!

Ludmila however, ain't holding her tongue! In fact, I found out this morning that she was furious with the taxi driver over what he charged me, $60.00 US. I did not know this yesterday, all I knew was that she and he were exchanging words. Olga, our Moscow adoption facilitator (and she is NOT an Elena at all, which is part of the issue for me, she's lacking and I'll leave it at that), told me this this morning over the phone as we dealt with another issue - the doctor.

- Arrival at my friends Moscow flat was um, ScArY! So, I told you that Anastasia's address was considered one of the best addresses in the city. So, when we pulled up and I saw this:

I could not beleive we were at the right place. Could this be it? When Ludmila came out, I knew it was the right place and I was sure E had made a mistake in thinking this was some prestigious address, as she has used the word to describe it to me. Not that I cared AT ALL, I was just surprised. Things can look like an absolute disaster on the outside in Russia, but can be very, very nice on the inside, or not, either way, curb appeal is just in my blood and my mind has a hard time thinking that front door in the photo above could lead to a place I'd wanna stay.

Then, the door was opened and, WOW! Anastasia and I would get along famously as intereior deigneers. It looks like they own stock in IKEA. I love her place and I am grateful to be their guests. It is comfortable. Her two children are away at camp and her husband just returned from the US, buying film making equipment for a big event they will run this September in Moscow.

They have a maid, her name is Larissa. She cleaned last night for two hours and all day today. She is still here cleaning. Last night, Ian had another first with this jetted, LIT bathtub! Heaven would not even describe where I think he thought he was!

Settling in last night went a lot better than I had expected. Of course dummy, Nastia's parents would not still be mad with me over things that two dumb 18 year old girls did! Thank goodness. She has been very, very kind to Vasya and I.

She's a grandmother. Enter BIG problem and another AMAZING thing about this orphan no more in our midst. When you go to grandma's house, you get to do and sometimes behave, in ways that are not allowed at home. This is why grandma's house is the bomb! So, Ian GETS THIS concept and took full advantage of it from jump. Ludmila does not get it about him and this is his FIRST time ever in a HOUSE.

BAB Luda has replaced Mama for the time being, as most favorite person. She speaks Russian for one, and since Ian understands all that is said to him, this no doubt comforts him. She could care less about his behavior and keeps telling me I can fix it all when we get to Amerika! Baahahaha - so you are riding on the plane with me and him then right! With Baba, so much is possible, like running freely in the water soaked muddy pants (where he promptly FELL and was COVERED in mud, crying and screaming). This was the sight of international near miss incident #2 in which a group of Russian's laughed at Ian when he fell and was crying. It took ALL of me not to freak out and start giving them a piece of my mind. I did the "how dare you" stare and got him out of there.

Where I get to swing in a swing that mama said no to for several reasons, but that Baba said yes to (I'm not mad, it's funny really, I'm just SO exhausted mentally at this point, and I've put in A LOT of hard work last week in getting Ian with a program of behaving before that plane ride. To see it all kind of fall apart, it's just hard)

EATING flipping CAVIER by the SPOONFULS! (I swear, this has got be a FIRST, out 5 days from an orphanage where he's spent his ENTIRE life and eating Caviar by the spoonful in the house of a Russian filmmaker - OYE!)

OHHHHH he has been SO SO Naughty! Yelling, screaming, refusing to hold my hand outside, touching things he knows he should not touch (granted the apartment is not child proof as Nastia's kids are 10 and 15), HITTING me and laughing about it, not listening to anyone. He's behaving like he did those times we met him and he was like a caged animal.

So, here is where I guess I get to keep it real. Rose colors nowhere in sight,
it never fails that when I SAY things are going well, they inevitably tank. This time it has to do with three things: (1) the Moscow team and I don't gel, at all; (2) Ian is TRIPPING! and (3) my attitude again. I'm so ready to be done with this trip. I could get out of here in 2 days but it would cost me $500 and I don't want to spend it because we need it for Ian when we get home. His Caridogram will be half that right off. I don't want to wast money because I feel blue, that seems like a quitter to me.

I need some help with Ian, he's more than a handful now. The screaming and yelling are really wearing on me. There is simply no way to keep him from doing this. He is VERY impatient and is ALL about instant gratification. He's off his routine and I can tell it is bothering him. He just has SO much to take in, it's nearly impossible for me to expect him to be appropriate, but I have to make all attempts. Lordy, I need a break for just a moment. I sleep when he sleeps so every waking moment we are together, just me and him, I have no one to talk to, adult wise. Not having Skype yesterday was so depressing because I've been talking to my mom and my son at home everyday and that has helped me to get through this. Craig is out of touch as you know on his retreat so I can't confide in him other than in emails that cannot be answered right now.

Yikes, I will freely ADMIT that this IS much harder than I thought it would be. I'm tired and I wanna go home:(

AND GOD KNOWS THIS....so you know what he did for me today? THREE THINGS! He countered the 3 things that were getting me down with three things lit me up!

(1) Ian and I went for a walk this morning. When I turned onto the main drag outside of Nastia's flat, BAM there it was!

Not sure what I'm showing you? How about closer:

Closer!

STARBUCKS!!!!!! Oh joy of joys, something that reminds me of home! Of course, I hurried 10 blocks up to the nearest street passage, UNDER THE STREET (you cannot cross on the streets in Moscow on top, you will be run over trying to cross 8 lanes where they drive at highway speeds)

Up the steps and then back 10 blocks and we were there, sitting, laughing, eating cheesecake, and feeling so much better! I am self-medicating with Cheeesecakes and Coffees - don't judge, it's helping:)

and guess who got a Starbucks Barista bear from Russia! Haha, Ian did! and I was not mad that I had to pay $25.00 for it. It made him happy.

(2) Nastia's husband came home last night and I met him today and HE SPEAKS ENGLISH! yeah! He fixed the Skype and translated some stuff Luda has been telling me in Russian that all I can do is to respond with a deer in the headlights look.

Last night, Luda talked to me for a while, then called someone and that person attempted to translate what she had said. Luda wanted to get a babysitter for me so I could have a little break. Luda does not apparently watch kids, or clean LOL. She does cook, well. She watches television in Christian Dior sunglasses and eats Caviar at dinner.

(3) I'm blogging from a "Rus-Bucks" with free Wi-Fi and I got my break. Ian is HAPPY as a clam as there is another LUDA babysitting him right now (who also incidentally has a son named Vasya) 2 Luda's and 2 Vasya's, wow. She is the professional babysitter for the major film studio here in Moscow. She's a grandmotherly type and of course, speaks Russian, no English. Ian's in 7th heaven.

Tomorrow: Another free day with which Ian and I will go to the Moscow Zoo! I'm excited about that. Red Square is within walking distance so we will also pay a visit there for the obligatory Red Square photograph. I have many memories of that place, it will be strange to be back under these circumstances.

Tuesday: 11:30 am interview at the US Embassy to process Ian's VISA and other things.

I have no idea what happens after that. We leave on Friday morning for Frankfurt and then a final flight home. I will lose it at the airport, and I'm looking forward to that.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Moscow, Russia

Day 6 of 14: Passport Fruit Bed, LOL!

2011-08-19T19:15:00.001-04:00

Today was passport pick up day, and the official first glitch in our program here.

E and I left at 8:30 am. She was waiting in the lobby for us and Ian, in typical kid style, kept with the kid secret credo to act out when company comes, and only when company comes LOL! He's been such a CHAMP in the hotel restaurant, except for today.

He did okay until he dropped a piece of tomato on the floor and (1) got upset that I picked it up and didn't allow him to and (2) that I would not allow him to then eat that piece of tomato (size of a raisin BTW). We can all surmise where this is coming from, I am sure if the kids dropped what little food they had at the orphanage, they all scrambled for it and the lucky one who got it first had a little more to eat that day.

After the tomato incident, things went totally South. He began to eat wildly and make noises that are not appropriate for a place like where we were, and I do respect that others want to eat in peace, so I gathered him up to leave and he threw a fit. An Ian fit is pretty simple really, he'll stomp his feet, refuse to walk, might sit on the floor, wrinkle up his little face, turn red, and scream and cry.

So.....this is what our facilitator saw as she was in the lobby when we came out of the restaurant. Great! She did say she fully believed me when I told her that this was the first day he did that downstairs.

In order to leave with E, I had to once again, hire a babysitter. Babysitters here in Russia are uncommon and rare. There are also very few children, comparatively. This is because kids are VERY expensive here. However, our go to guy Boris hooked us up FOR REAL this time with an awesome person.

The new babysitter was WONDERFUL, she's a mama herself and despite her very limited English, we communicated enough for her to tell me that it was HER gift to have gotten to know Ian. She was blown away by how smart he is she called him a "miracle" boy. I did pay her extra, but not for saying those things, for just being a caring, lovely person, and because she has kids to care for in a country where not much is easy.

We left for the United documents center and to take the line at the Passport office. When our number was called, we went up and at the very last moment, after I had signed the for his passport, E caught TWO mistakes. Both his last name in English "Stewart", and his middle name in English "Will" were spelled wrong. OH. MUH. GOSH.

Momentary moment of panic. That one passport took a WEEK to produce. Panic paused and left me once we were told they would fix it - in TEN MIN! Sweet. We waited right there for it and it came off still warm from the presses. Thank goodness we had TWO passport pictures.

So, that was it, all St. Petersburg items were completed and E and I hugged and celebrated with a coffee and pastry in the cafe downstairs.

Next, we went to the peddlers market in the shadow's of the Church of the Spilled Blood and I was able to make some great deals on a few trinkets. The most important one however was Ian's keepsake from his birthplace. It's a hand painted music box that plays Katusha. He loves it but he can't touch it, it's one of those shelf things until he's an adult. It's something for him to keep for his entire lifetime. Now I just have to get it home safe.

If you have been reading my posts, you will recall a few days ago I wrote about our adoption facilitator here, Elena. I told a small fraction of her story. I am so overwhelmed with joy today that many of families in this region who are also depending on her to make their dreams of adoption a reality, heard my pleas for her and have come to the rescue. This time, we are going to effect a small rescue of the rescuer herself! While there is still 15 hours to give, as of this moment, I will hand her $3,100.00 as a token of our appreciation and love, and recognition that we KNOW she is in NEED and we are proud to be the hands and feet for her this time around.

Heck, if any of you where touched by her story and want to increase that amount for her, there is still time. Just email me at bringhopehome@gmail.com with the amount you want to give and then, before 8/26, go here: www.reecesrainbow.org/sponsorstewart, to submit your gift using the donate to Ian button. I need to know within the next 15 hours though because I will be presenting it at that time to her, along with a bouquet of flowers so she can cry into them!! I'm so lucky to get to deliver this to her and I profusely thank all of the Region 2 families who gave, even in the midst of needing thousands for adoptions themselves.

So, what of Ian's day today after mama got from securing his passport? BTW, he has dual Russian and American citizenship until he's 18 years old - cool!

IT DID NOT RAIN TODAY, AND.....drum roll please....THE SUN WAS OUT FULL FORCE!! A perfect and beautiful last full day here for us.

We walked more than a mile today.

I had not planned on stopping at my favorite Russian wanna be Starbucks but Ian recognized it as we walked by and HE pulled me to the steps! Haha! He loves to sit and enjoy the outdoors and "read" the menu and drink his fresh made Apple Juice. What a kid!

Perusing the choices.

I'll miss the latte's here, they are kind of yummy.

Then, a trip to the fountain to throw coins in. It was clearly, this little boy's FIRST TIME seeing a fountain. OH he had SO MUCH FUN! At first he stood there in absolute amazement, he yelled in delight over this new strange but neat thing.

Then he got up the courage to touch it and lean in!

Then, in true boy fashion, he tried to jump in! LOL, luckily I was already one step ahead of him and his little jacket became my pull tab to keep him from keeling over into the fountain.

It was HARD to leave the fountain. I think tomorrow morning before we leave, since I'm already all packed, we will go back so he can throw more Rubles into his new found pleasure.

How adorable is THIS? Ian likes to play in the hotel room. He is SO CONTENT doing so. Haven't you been wondering how I am getting time to blog? He's a SUPERSTAR of independent play and it's what he wants to do so I just go with it. A happy Ian is all I'm worried about. Yes, I want to play with him and I do, but he's soaking up this little freedom of being able to do what he wants when he wants, I just get the pure JOY of watching it all.

The fruit bowl the babysitter ordered as a part of lunch was well stocked for that of a Roman God! Ian took full control over that bunch of fruit for about an hour today, transporting it to different places in the room and eating little bits as he went along. He crosses his legs when we eats, so cute!

The best play for today that I got to watch was him making a bed by the door, taking his little jeans off, placing his slippers on one side of his little bed and his jeans on the other, with his fruit bowl right up next to his pillow, and then laying down next to it, while reaching in for grapes to eat.

CAN YOU GET ANY MORE AWESOME THAN THAT? He wanted to sleep with his bounty. Love this child, more than words will ever be able to say. Thank you to every single person who helped us raise the more than $40,000.00 that it took so he could sleep with fruit. :) Just LOOK at this child's eyes, he's in heaven.

To cap the night off, dinner was ordered up. Again, I was sad about his inability to eat solid foods, but he is trying. He SMELLED the french fries (not what I ordered but oh well) and then after trying to eat one and not being able to, he had an absolute ball, and so did I, feeding them, catsup ladened, to ME! We pretended I was the fry monster, fun, memorable times our last night in his birthplace.

We roll out of here at noon tomorrow, heading for the fast train to MOSCOW! It's been 23 years since I was in Moscow last, it will be good to be back.

I won't be mad at cha' at ALL if you choose to start praying NOW for our flight from Frankfurt to home. 8 hours folks, in a small space with many people who want to sleep. I promised not to rose color my blog, and I have been gifted with a kid that is so amazing and transitioning so well right now, that I have not really had any horrors to report.

The worst thing he does do, at least a few times per day, is yell and scream and there is nothing I can do to make him not do that. It is a little bit unpredictable too, so that makes it hard. My plan for the plane ride home is to let him run through the Frankfurt airport as much as I can to tire him out before we get on the plane, and that's all I got folks so your prayers are needed! Prayer does work and this I KNOW to be TRUE.

Please also keep Craig in your prayers tonight. He is in Denver, CO at a spiritual retreat and we cannot communicate until Monday so I have no clue how he is doing.

Goodnight America, we are heading a few more miles your way! Oh, and I almost forgot, guess who I got to STOP sucking his thumb and fidgeting with his ear AND guess who is sleeping soundly now, NOT tossing and turning and rocking for most of the night! OH JOY of JOYS! I think a little bit of love, some freedom, some time to be a child with NO WORRIES and no CARES, has already changed his life.

Tonight, he learned to PLAY in the bath.

Amen.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Day 5 of 14: Play!

2011-08-18T21:17:00.001-04:00

Whew! This mama is getting tired. It's not bad here, in fact today was pretty good, it rained again, ALL DAY LONG, till about 7:00 pm and then, thank the heavens, a bit of sun shone through and we could get outside.

It's so much better than spending the ENTIRE day in our small hotel room. I'm glad it's small though because Ian would have torn an apartment to shreds by now LOL! At least in this small space I can see him all the time. He seems to love the hotel room and he sometimes does not want to go outside, but rather he would stay inside and play.

Today, his again made up his own game. This time he made a bed on the floor up against the mirror and pretend slept while looking at himself in the mirror. I don't imagine the kids got to see themselves in the mirror very much at the orphanage, he seems fascinated with his mirror image.

He would hide under here and then pop up like this:

and laugh and laugh. I would say, in Russian, "where's Vasya?" and oh that was so funny to him!

In this picture you can see the scar on his chest from his heart surgery. I wanna cry when I see it because I know that when he was operated on, he was alone, an orphan, it is a WONDER that he survived it. Just goes to show again, that he's a fighter, the littlest hero. I admire him, he has a little unbreakable spirit in him, despite his past life, I'm so glad he's out of the orphanage, and I hope the memories of what was not good will one day disappear from his head.

It's SO hard to not just look at him and bust out crying and squeeze him tight. For us, its like we did it, we rescued a child from the depths of despair. You'd think we'd be happy with ourselves. You'd think. We are not. We are happy FOR Ian, but we are still, and likely will be, ill for a long time over the orphan crisis. You just can't be around orphaned children and then think you'll not remember their faces or their voices. IT HAUNTS the soul because the soul knows it's the worst kind of travesty.

I talk to my family everyday - SKYPE RULES - and we have committed to help two other families get kids home now. I don't know who they are yet, Craig has the honor of choosing, but when I get home, we are going to support these families with a donation and whatever else we can do. Please if you read this blog and have not considered adoption and are looking for God, please pray about it. The need is clear, the bible tells us what to do. It's NOT easy, it the hardest thing we've ever done, but anything worth anything is never easy.

Okay, rant for day over, now back to Ian!

I just don't know how else to tell you all that Ian is smart other than to say, the kid is smart! Yes, the communication is lacking, he cannot speak in words in Russian but he understands EVERYTHING, everything. He is keen to his surroundings and the moment and I feel like he is always trying, even though it's really difficult for him to win sometimes over those ugly orphanage behaviors that are raging inside of him.

He guards his food, so sad. If he even SEEs food, he flips out and screams if he cannot have it that instant, which makes cutting his food in front of him a trying task.

Still, he pushes though and amazes me every single day, many times per day.

Today we ventured out twice. We kind of have this routine where we get up and play in the room in the morning, and then we go outside right before nap. Were you ask? To the Russian Starbucks of course! He LOVES it there because the outside patio has neat chairs and the juice is yummy.

Sorry for the blurry pictures, it was so dull out today and I'm working with a new camera so...this next one is Ian signing "more." He's kind of a genius so he points at the juice bottle and then his cup, making a pouring gesture, which is way more sophisticated than making the simple sign for "more." I think he thinks I'm an idiot for not getting what he wants with his complex modeling for me LOL! I get it but I don't want to encourage it too much because he's gonna need to learn and use some signs in his new world at home and at school in order to get what he wants.

He wants to talk but I think that will be a while. He's got a ton of mouth issues happening. He'll need therapy but no problem, he will get ALL that he needs, rest assured on that one. He gets 25 visits a year (which is once per week of each if you minus the holidays they are closed, sick kids days, sick parent days, and summer break) of all types (PT, OT, Speech) on my insurance and then he'll get it at school too. There is a $35 co-pay for each session but as we have seen in Ari, it works, and we are ALL TO HAPPY to pay it for Ian too. We can't wait to get him the interventions he needs, just can't wait.

I feel for his doctors though, we tried to buy a pair of shoes today so that we could ditch the girls shoes, and when the sales lady tried to measure his feet, all heck broke loose. He was terrified to say the least. We had to pretty much leave but I did grab him an awesome fall hat and some play food, which he loved.

For real food for dinner, we walked down the street to the promenade area where I discovered that there was a crepe shop of the sort we went to on Trip #2 with Boris. It's an awesome chain here, cheap and delicious eats. There was a mess up in me ordering because I had to order fast to avoid Ian screaming in the place, so while I meant to order one mushroom crepe for me and one ham and cheese for him, we got one mushroom and one chocolate banana!

Needless to say, the mushroom crepe was not a hit with Ian. Ari inhales all food, including all manner of mushrooms, spinach, and whatever else. Ian does not. He's new to solid food, just three days new. He is awesome though because again, he tries. He liked the crepe part, just not the filling. He loved the banana though so yea, I fed my kid a chocolate banana for dinner:), and I ain't mad about it either.

They have a tasty berry juice there too, and he licked his lips over that, I love that juice as well, just about every single thing Ian does is gushing with cuteness, even his little fits.

So, you are wondering how his stomach is taking all of this new food? He has not had any issues, it all seems to be digesting okay. That's another reason I'm okay with giving him yogurt before bed, it might be helping the digestive system to keep some order.

Tomorrow is pick up his passport day so he will have a babysitter in the hotel again. This time, it is not an agency sitter like on Tuesday, which cost me $100.00 for 5 hours. The person coming tomorrow is a mom to many small children and she's only charging me $10.00 and hour, which is more sane. She is a close friend of Boris for many years and so once again, Boris saves the day.

Tomorrow is our last day in St. Petersburg for many years to come. Craig and I promised to bring the boys back here when they are older to they can see Ian's birthplace. I marvel at this city, it is beautiful and so full of history that is still so visible and kind of grand in a way. It's a neat place. I'll miss it in a way, I guess I've been operating with always planning the next trip here, over the last year during Ian's adoption.

That is all done now.

Saturday morning we take the train to Moscow. There, we are staying for 6 days with the mother of my friend of 24 years there, Anastasia. I'm a little bit nervous about it, last time I saw Ludmila we were 18 years old and Anastasia and I got into some trouble together. Hopefully she's kind of over it:). I had to provide Anastasia's address to our adoption agency facilitators in Moscow and the phone number so they could arrange for the doctor to come over to the apartment and examine Ian. When I showed the address, our facilitator here kind of gasped. She then told me that the address is one of Moscow's nicest addresses. Anastasia's father was a filmmaker here in days gone by, so I'm not surprised. She owns her own marketing firm in Moscow and she makes films and advertising that appear at the Cannes Film Festival. She is always traveling and thus will be the case when we are in her home, she will be in Istanbul, Turkey, filming. I've been to Russia three times and I have not seen her, I'm so bummed about that fact.

Likely the next time I see her will be in the United States, how funny is that.

I am going to do a small amount of shopping tomorrow while the sitter is here with Ian. I am buying him a Russian handmade music box for the item that will be his keepsake from his homeland. I will have to bargain for it at the market. I also need something for Ari. Matrioshka dolls are probably going to be my best bet for him, they make boy centered ones. I'd like a Russian olympics shirt but I don't know if I can get one for a reasonable price so I may settle for a scarf or something. I'm so glad we have a small family when I am charged with gift shopping.

I plan to buy some flowers for Elena and Anastasia's mother, they have beautiful flowers here.

To cap this post off, please enjoy some funny faces of our boy:) He's a living doll and I just love him so.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:12-я линия,St Petersburg,Russia

Day 4 of 14: Part II - Suddenly

2011-08-18T04:19:00.001-04:00

Today was a mix of beautiful and blah. None of the day was helped by the constant rain either. It will rain here everyday until we leave, that's the season we are in here. The cool temperature is nice but the rain, not so much.

Rainbows do however exist, and they appear often suddenly after a rain.

Ian and I start each morning the same. He stirs and stirs, and then he'll sit up and all of a sudden, flash me this killer smile. I'll smile back, say hi to him and good morning, and then pat the spot next to me in my bed for him to come on over and snuggle with mom. We laugh a bit and then get up and get the day going on.

Today was a later wake up than usual for two reasons. The first was purely administrative in that we are in the two day waiting period for Ian's passport to become available where we have no other adoption things to take care of. The second reason just plain stinks. Ian had a really rough night. It's driving me nuts. It's not what he is doing really, it's where it all came from.

I know that he is out of those places, his baby house and the orphanage but it's so hard to let the absolute SADNESS I feel welling up each time I realize another one of those unnatural, disturbing behaviors that have been conditioned in him because he was an orphan. Yes, save the older children, but also, if you are thinking of adoption, getting a baby out as soon as you can has tons of merit too.

My baby suffered, I can tell. As former orphans go, and in comparison to some other recent former orphans that have come home, he's in really good physical shape. He's very small still, and he's thin, I can see all his bones. Yet, he's not starving and he seems to be okay that way. His little body is marred in SO MANY spots, signs of things I don't wanna think about. Who cares if it was falls (no 5 year old should have that many marks from falls), or other kids (which is horrible too) or caregivers (those woman creeped me out every singe time, just mean looking and cold). I don't want to see them, it's hard to see them, it makes me want to cry out for him. His little face is full of scars.

He's so unbelievably beautiful.

Last night he had a very fitful sleep. He would do the same series of behaviors over and over, and I discovered too that he is not only sucking his thumb, but he's using his thumb nail to dig into his tongue and there are "tracks" of missing taste buds from this behavior, in the exact width of his little thumbnail. I knew his method of thumb sucking was strange, and I could not understand what exactly he was doing with his mouth being open while doing it. That leads to another issue at night, His mouth is dry from the process. He then dry heaves and suddenly gags himself awake, which triggers him sitting up and rocking, sometimes slow and sometimes fast. Sometimes he'll then fall asleep doubled over with his face between his legs. Other times he'll lay back down and in 10 min. it all starts over again. Other scary thing he does is lay on his stomach to sleep and put his face right into the pillow, face down, with no place to breathe that I can see, and stay like that. It scares me to death and I'm considering taking the pillow from him because at night I can't turn his head like at nap.

He's an angel boy, my heart really hurts for all this stuff.

The ear is involved too. He tickles his ear and pulls at it and today I saw him scratching at it. At first I thought ear infection but it's not. It's self stimming to comfort himself and to feel human touch, even if it's his own, on himself. I tried a little experiment today. I was holding him and he would not stop with the ear thing so I moved his had to MY ear and guess what - he did the same motions to my ear and sustained it. This gives me hope that he can break from this behavior because it's a signal that he can be suddenly interrupted during it and not freak out.

Still, I feel like the honeymoon is ending because I'm starting to see all of the things that are so wrong about children being in orphanages and not in families. I mean of course one knows it's wrong, wrong, wrong on every level, but to see it right in front of you in a 5 year old child is just, um, ridiculous and hard. I don't even know how to find hope for those we left behind, there are so, so many.

Ian's a champion. We have two choices for breakfast, the one in the hotel restaurant, which has untold goodies, or the one I mix up in our room with my hotpot. Yesterday's hotpot oatmeal was not a hit, so I thought we'd push the envelope and venture downstairs.

There are potential disasters around EVERY corner with Ian in tow. He's unstable on his feet, he can't see well, so the steps are a problem right now, his balance is likely effected by his vision issues. Good news is that his eye appointment is already made so were are on that. For right now, it's bustin' up my heart right and left to see him teeter around. On top of everything he or we do, the boy is 5, and just being a 5 year old boy comes with a ton of regular impulses to wreck stuff. The one nice caregivers at the orphanage on Gotcha Day told me, "be firm with him or he will take the plane apart." WOW.

It's tough for me but I gotta find a way to BELIEVE that its not that hard. I mean, man, he's doing so well in terms of what it could have been so far. If there were two of us here, maybe it would be different because we could temper each other and spell each other, the process of transition is just so intense on so many levels, I think that is what is making it seem so difficult to me.

He wants to do it though. He's a little hero he is.

We made it treacherously down the stairs to breakfast. Allow me to set the scene: CHINA and GLASSWEAR within his reach every 2 steps, hot serving dishes within his reach, a FULL restaurant that was totally SILENT save the clanging of forks and the occasional coffee cup set down too hard and maybe the manic almost screams and grunts of a child excited about a choice in food, as much food as he wants, 4 drink choices, music playing, real dinnerware, other kids, no restrictions, no harsh words, no time limits to finish your food or else have it taken away, warm food choices, cold food choices, and on and on and on. For a moment I wondered if this was going to work, but by then suddenly it was too late, Ian was hungry for real (I would know this because right before hitting the steps, he fished an old yogurt cup out of the trash from last night and was licking it clean). Good memory - at least we don't gotta worry about that!

It was a challenge to get his plate and still hold onto him. He just does not do carrying yet. H also does not getting have to wait for food once you SEE it, he screams. We finally made it to the only empty table, and by then we were on full display. This also is starting to wear on me. First day, I could have cared less. Second day, we didn't stray too far. Today, I about had it. I'm not used to this. Ari has Autism, you can't SEE that on his face. Ian is the opposite.

I just wish they all knew what this photograph means. It's a little boy experiencing SO much all at once, and he's doing just fine. He ate in a fancy restaurant and stayed quiet. He didn't throw anything or yell and I was able to LEAVE him at his seat, eating nicely, while I fixed my own plate and grabbed a cup of coffee, which by the way is in ANOTHER ROOM where I can't see him and he can't see me. Incredible.

I tried really hard not to respond to the stares today but broke. I turned around and stared right back at one person who was just over the top with it. It was a teenaged kid. Old enough to know better, but being raised in a culture that teaches him its okay to stare at Ian. Hard to deal.

I posted this quote on my Facebook right before I left and it just rang so true this morning (thank you Debbie Marks for reposting this so I could grab it)

I am also reminded of this line from a favorite movie of mine, the updated Cinderella with Drew Barrymore when she's a common person talking to the Prince about a man wrongly jailed she says something like, how can you punish someone for something you have caused? For Ian, here, it's like how can you think him wild and unkempt, strange and a nuisance, when this is the life you have predisposed him to by suppressing him and others in ill resourced orphanages their entire lives? How else do you suppose he is going to act?

Too, being here with Ian, in Russia, where everyone would be staring at us anyway because we are Black, the special needs stuff is almost secondary, although I do notice that they are plainly staring at HIM and not me as much as when I am walking around by myself or with Craig. Craig draws a big crowd here, they think he's an American R and B music star - LOL, its the Ray Ban's for sure.

Suddenly, I have a little boy in my midst that is processing so fast as to be able to get it and do it. He ate his first breakfast in a real restaurant and did it fantastically. Makes you know he was never meant to be where he's been. Shame on so much.

Eating is, um, survival mode at best. It's sad and depressing and again makes me so sick at what we as a human race have let happen here, to Ian. He has had very little solid foods in his life. He does not know or understand how to chew foods. If it's not mushy or mashed or soupy, he's not going to understand what to do. He licks meat and then tries to flatten
and squeeze it between the roof of his mouth and tounge. Then he just swallows it whole. He swallows whole anything not mush, including banana pieces. I am having to micro cut up his food or he'll choke on it, mushy included. He attempts crackers but gives up quick. He attempts bread but if its not super soft where he can turn it into mush in his mouth to swallow whole, he won't eat it.

He's used to slurping up slop. I don't even wanna tell you what his eating sounds like, you'll lose your lunch more than likely.

Ian has table manners, he spills very little, its the mouth area and hands that are a mess. He eats like a staving kid, and drinking is worse. He spills most drinks out of his mouth because he's trying to drink it all so fast.

After breakfast, we went outside to the park. He had a great time again and finally got to chase the birds and yell - the park was empty:)

We stayed until a whole bunch of kids arrived. This was the look on his face when he saw them! Ha! I know this look well, Ari would have had the exact same look on his face. I swear those two are kindred bro's.

After the park we went back to the hotel for a little while. Ian loves to play in the hotel room with the furniture. Now, don't freak out, I was right there with him - he "built" this little "activity" all on his own. He moved the rolling ottoman over and then the end table, placed them together and then get this - you'd think they were meant to be steps to get up into the window sill. They are not. What he was actually doing, repetitively, was placing one foot on the end table, balancing (which is hard for him), and then placing his other foot down on the table right next to it, and vice versa to step down onto the ottoman.

Suddenly, I realized the kid has constructed his own self made physical therapy equipment, to work on balance, which he NEEDS - WOW, he's fixing his own deficits. TEARS!

He never once went for the window, or even to step on the sill. He worked on it till he was tired. No therapist needed.

This is him examining the furniture. He likes to look under everything that he can manage to lift, which includes the twin mattresses on our beds! He's very strong.

Ahh, now this is a classic. While cleaning up the room to move (oh yeah, the phone rang, it was reception telling me we need to get out of our room and move to another one because the shower glass is broken). Hmmmm, wasn't broken but okay.

Suddenly, while looking for all his toys, I saw this:

See that yellow thing? Yeah. It's a part to a toy, jammed in tight to the space between the TV and the TV holder. Good thing maintenance was already in the room fixing the not broken broken shower door so I could have them get it out. There were actually two under there. I know what he did though, and it's just another clue that Ian is spectacular.

He has a toy, a little fake CD player with these little fake plastic CDs. It actually plays music. Anyway, he thought they were DVDs. He knows about DVDs because they have a DVD player in the orphanage directors office and he has examined that thing, I saw him peering into the slot in the first photographs of Ian I ever saw.

After moving rooms, we went out and I properly initiated him into the "mommy's got an addiction to coffee" ride along club to the local wanna be Russian Starbucks, aptly names "Coffeshop Company." LOL, in the same font as Starbucks.

Daddy, you'll be pleased to know that he ordered a "sok" or fresh made (just juiced) apple juice. He drank it all and loved it. Now you've got two juice helpers.

We people watched and ordered some lunch, which was where I observed him sucking on the meat and swallowing it whole (pieces of ham). He is not used to sitting in someones lap and being still, so this was a good start on all of that. He did pretty good, but had some moments, especially when my delicious looking Latte arrived, he really wanted some and he suddenly screamed out.

We went back to the hotel and he took a nap. He's potty trained but only trip trained, he won't initiate. I thought he was good but whups - we had an accident during nap. So, now we wear pull ups during nap as I don't think the hotel was too happy about having to change the sheets. Oh well.

They napped for 2 hours from 1-3 at the orphanage. What I wound not pay for Ari to nap like that! Ian naps with me too, but you have to lay him down. Nap was late today and I paid for it, he got too tired and VERY irritable. I won't make that mistake again soon.

Ian's a little perfectionist. This will counter Ari's utter disregard for anything that resembles order or neatness just perfectly. Suddenly, Ian's going to be a teacher. He is after all, older than Ari and he will for sure assume the classic big brother role in some things.

Get this. The kid can fold - almost PERFECTLY, a TWIN size comforter. He folds his clothes PERFECTLY. You know how you fold a sheet alone? using your CHIN to hold it while you gather some of it up? HE DOES THAT! He also folds his toilet paper before wiping his bum - but that's another story.

We had a friend over to the hotel this evening, Boris. Yep, THAT Boris from a bunch of my other posts. We had some things to take care of logistically and then, knowing he has three kids, I gave him a pair of brand new New Balance kids shoes that were too big for Ian. Elena told me that kids shoes like that are $100.00 here. They cost me $17 bucks on sale. To say he was grateful would be an understatement. I take so much for granted.

Boris couldn't believe that Ian had Down Syndrome. I mean he said the words to me that yes, you can see by his face that he does, he has the facial features associated with Down Syndrome but his behavior is so close to that of a typical 5 year old boy. Boris was simply captivated with Ian, he loved him instantly. Ian really like having a guy around, and I think once we get home to papa, he will be so much better. He's had nothing but women around his whole life. Look out Craig, here he comes!

After Boris left and we ate some Tuna, suddenly the calm before the storm was gone. Ian slowly melted down. I wondered if and when it might come, and it was last night. The most difficult part of all of this is that I am kind of conflicted about how to manage him. On the one hand, I feel like the kid should be able to do whatever the H--- he wants to do because of what he's had to endure. We all know however, I just can't do that, he'd never listen to me again and our time here and on the plane home would be a mess. I have to parent him.

So, I am always wondering if I'm being to hard on him. The screaming and kicking is hard, and the deliberate throwing and hitting is also working my nerves. We communicate using gestures, I model for him, I can speak a few words, and he can say no and yes in Russian. He gets it all though, he's VERY SMART. Being so, it is also hard because I know he is testing and I know he understands. I also know that stubbornness is a characteristic of Down Syndrome so I struggle with how much to make him tow the line.

Ian knows not to whip toys across the room, he knows this. So, time out is in full effect. I sit him on the bed and take his favorite thing - the toss away slippers they have in the hotel room. He lives for those adult sized paper thin little things. He hates it but he gets it. It's no guarantee he won't repeat the behavior that got him there in the first place though.

The kids all got yogurt as a snack right before bed time, go figure, we won't continue this at home but for now, so that he does not loose everything he has, he get's yogurt before bed. He LOVES it.

Craig, who does this look like? ARI right! I know, uncanny.

This was a topsy turvy day. In the end of anything though is that I have to keep it together, there's no other choice, so that actually helps, I couldn't fall apart if I wanted to and I had better get right so that I can take in all of the miracous moments that are happening here.

Okay, let's do that.

Today I cursed myself for forgetting the handpicked bedtime stories I had in the que at home to pack for Ian. I had not read to him because I had nothing to read, so bedtime was some hugs, kisses and lay down. Partially, the routine I kept a little bit sterile because he won't go to sleep if I don't, he'll play all night and then we will both be in for a horrible day the next day, I do have one of these at home for almost 5 years now!

Tonight, Ian suddenly made magic happen and I swear to you it was God sent. Here I was lamenting the non-existant story time books and Ian "calls" me over (he does not speak really, he grunts and screams and laughs and can say DA, that's about it). He's vocal, it just is not in words. He does have this one sound, like "toe-ah" that he makes for asking questions and to say he wants something, and then its game on to try and figure out what he wants.

So he started with the toe-ah's and was gesturing me over to his bedside. He then, when I was close enough, reached up to give me a big goodnight hug - WHAT? WHAT? - oh sweet sweet child! First time unsolicited!

There is one last part to the night ended but ya'll, I'm tired and I gotta take Ian outside before nap time. We both need some air. It's cold and raining again, but we'll go anyway, I've got all the attire and a rain cover the stroller.

Thank you all for all of your support while I am here alone. I'm starting to see the light but it's still more than a week away. I'm fighting plane ride from H--- images in my mind so please say a special prayer for that to go well.

Have a great day, Ian and I will:)

Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:13-я линия,St Petersburg,Russia

Day 4 of 14: Part I - Survival

2011-08-17T14:50:00.001-04:00

Today was hard and beautiful at the same time. It was the first real day like I felt like I just wanted to go home. We have a long way to go before that can happen...sigh......I miss my family. I miss Ari so much, I could not even Skype with him today without starting to cry.

God's gracing me with this face everyday though and thats helping.

Wanna know what happened today with this cutie? Wanna see some incredible new pictures of Ian and his new life? Well, there's someone I need you to meet first, and spend some time with. I want you to know about this person, so much so, that I am going to make my next post, which has the most amazing news about Ian yet, and tons of pictures, dependent on you reading this post and commenting on it. Read to the end and you'll help to get Ian's day today posted tomorrow!

This person I want you to know, her name is Elena, although that is not her real name. Her real name in Russian sounds like Elena, so she uses that. She is our facilitator here in St. Petersburg. She is the sole force here for Hand in Hand Adoptions and she is - God sent.

Elena is in the middle of myself and Nina Clark, who just arrived home with their new daughter Elizabeth. Elena facilitated that adoption too.

Elena and I have some things in common that I talked about the first time we met her here in April. The most kismet of them being that when I was here in 1988 on the Black Sea in Odessa, at a young Communist campsite for a peace demonstration, she was literally a few miles down the road at another campsite along the Black Sea, translating for a group of American's. She met her husband at that camp during that time.

Me in Russia in 1988 at 18 years old.

Personality wise, she's even more OCD than me about paperwork, she's like a highly skilled doctor with all of this adoption stuff. She has to be, her job here, if done wrong, could result in her total loss of livelihood and even land her in jail.

Why does she do this? A recent happening with one of her families will show why. A family from Indiana adopted an older child with no special needs. About a year after that child was home and learned to speak enough English to tell her parents something important, she did. She told them she remembered her mother hiding a baby. Long story short, the family inquired and asked for Elena to conduct an investigation. Contrary to the laws here, the baby that the mother had been hiding was not attached to her sisters records. There was a baby, and once found, the family told Elena that MUST begin the process for them to adopt her, REGARDLESS of her condition. Well, her condition was terrible. She was near death and Elena had to fight to get the adoption through. Years later, the family send Elena a video of this hidden treasure they found because her sister learned to speak, it was of this girl giving a full research report, in English, to her regular school class. Elena took this video to the orphanage where they almost didn't let the "profoundly dumb, disabled, nearly blind and mute" little child leave from. Mouths hit the floor. Most of all, minds were CHANGED.

Elena's work carries on through the years and changes things here. She is facilitating adoptions in places that have NEVER had an adoption, or not one in 35 years. What kind of impact do YOU have on your job? I can say mine is nowhere near where hers is, and it IS forcing me think about what I spend most of my time on in my life.

On Monday, Elena and I were sharing family news while we waited in line to apply for Ian's passport. This process usually takes 3-4 hours or more. God showed us favor that morning however, and we were in and out in less than 2. Please pray for continued smooth governmental processes. Ian's passport will be ready for pick up Friday, which requires another session of line "taking" (which means standing in line). People pay other people here to stand in lines for them. That ought to tell you something about the way life is here.

Last year before we made our first trip to Russia to meet Ian, we were told that our adoption facilitator here had something terrible happen in her family. Her parents in law, her husbands mother and father who are in their 70's, were hit while crossing the streets here in St. Petersburg. They were badly, terribly injured. Her mother in law has recovered well, but her father in law not so much. In fact, his condition is not well and this is how he will have to live out the remainder of his golden years with an injured, broken, and painful body. Watching her talk about him made me want to cry, I could see her eyes watering up.

Elena's parents in law are in bad shape. Life for the elderly here is in worse shape. The type of social security they have here is a joke. Elena's mother, who was a career teacher and still teaches two days a week at St. Petersburg State University (yea, she's a college professor) - gets $120.00 PER MONTH to live on. That is what the Russian government thinks she can live on. If your mother was 71 and getting only $120 a month plus a small part time salary, do you think you have to help her out financially? Yeah, the answer is YES.

Next time you think you have it rough, consider this: Elena's father in law, the one who was ruthlessly run over in the streets by a car had to be taken to a State run (public) hospital when the accident happened. He was in intensive care for a MONTH. Intensive care in a state run Russian hospital looks like this: 12 beds in ONE ROOM, the smells, noises, and disposition of 12 people who are hurt enough to be nearly dead, 12 peoples families moaning and stressed out, hundreds of antiquated machines emitting noises and malfunctioning...etc...who could get better under those conditions? Not her father in law. In order to help save his life, they had to pay money to get him into a better room with just 2 seriously injured people, where he could gain some peace to recover.

It was a lot of money. Dear God. Elena also supplements greatly her mother, who wants to live on her own until it is absolutely no longer possible. She's 71 but spirited, she walks EVERYDAY, even in the bitter cold of winter in one of the coldest places on earth.

Today, while Elena's parents in law live at their own apartment again, things are not good. Elena is caring for three families and her husbands salary is not even sufficient to care for her and their only son whose in college. Her husband is a degreed Engineer. When the Soviet Union fell, life here became desperate for most people. Professional people who were making decent wages, lost just about everything.

While we can all debate the pros and cons of Communism, there is no debate needed to see that major political changes here have impacted the average Russian in ways we cannot even begin to understand. At the very least, the old Soviet system provided decent medical care and enough food for people, and especially older people. They had enough to live and medical care and schools were better than they are now. Capitalism and Democracy have brought freedoms in the marketplace, and in cultural life, but the division now that exists between the quality of care and services in the government versus private sector is profound. Most people cannot begin to afford private medical care in hospitals and schools. This is the case of our facilitator.

I have known Elena since April 2011. I have met her son Max and her husband. They are good, good people. Elena works miracles here for families, she works sometimes 80 hours a week to get all of the necessary paperwork and processes in order for families to be successful in their adoptions. It is not just a job you do because you need a job. Her small apartment is filled with adoption documents. Her husband doesn't even like to be in the living room because of all of the papers. Yeah she gets paid, but trust me when I say that the hourly rate is not one we in the US would every do with three families to try and support. She has no time for herself. None.

She is the consummate professional and she arranges things that others cannot arrange. She does this because she is a gracious person and she is cordial to officials who do not understand the reasons behind why us Americans want their ""damaged" children. She has a lot of explaining to do everyday to people who don't understand what she or we are doing. She takes a risk having this job in this country.

Elena does not know this yet, but we are about to give her a gift to help her family. I can't say anything about it tonight because the information is kind of sensitive until we get back to the United States but just trust me that because of all that people have done for us to get Ian home, we are going to pay a small part of that forward to this woman for her work to make all of this possible. If we don't give till it hurts, then we are not ever going to move past the boundaries God wants us to break through in giving.

If you read this poster, you'll realize that you are RICH in SO MANY WAYS. That position demands respect given to those who cannot answer YES to any of the questions.

Elena gives and gives for families, and we just don't get it about the impact her job has on her life. It strains her relationships at home, working at all hours, working till she drops, not having three consecutive days to even get her teeth worked on, spending any money they have to keep their parents going and her son in school.

Please add Elena and her family to your prayers tonight. Without her, Ian would not be coming home, and he might even have already been moved to a place where we could not have rescued him from. She got some strings pulled for us this past year and while she won't admit to it, I know that she worked herself hard for Ian.

During our multiple wait times over two days which we encountered doing adoption stufff, I asked more about the situation of Elenas parents in law. What I found out made me cry right there on the spot in a Russian state office in front of her.

My heart is SO broken for her and their family over this accident. Elena did not sleep well last night because her fax machine was ringing all night long and in their home they have 3 phones that all ring when one rings, and so her husband was, in her words, furious at her. Our office in the US was faxing during the day there, which is night time here. She looked SO tired and sad, I knew she was putting on a face for me and I asked her more about what was happening with her.

When her 71 year old parents in law were crossing the street on a walk signal, they had the green. A car, driven by a younger man ran a red light and slammed into them both. Her father in law was hit hard on the right side his body, he was taken away by ambulance, they were not sure if he would survive. Elena's husband is their only child. 2 years ago, this man had a stroke. They told the family he would never walk or talk again, but because they love him so, and because at 69 he was still so vibrant, they worked hard and spent their savings money to get him rehabilitation. Just 2 months before the accident, he had recovered FULLY from that stroke! He was walking well, talking fine,, and had regained all of the movement and functions in the RIGHT side of his body, which was the side that was totally paralyzed from the stroke.

Did you catch that? His RIGHT side. The car hit him on his RIGHT side.

Dear God.

My next question was if he was now terribly depressed. My fears were confirmed, he is very, very depressed.

The young man that hit hese two wonderful people, Elena's parents-in-law, admitted his guilt on the spot. He was taken to jail, his act was criminal. He was going to jail for FIVE YEARS.

Until..

Elena's parents in law and she and husband learned that this man has two young children, Ian's age. His unemployed wife stays at home with the kids. When he was arrested, his job promptly fired him for having been arrested and now having criminal charges against him. You know what I am about to say right? Elena's family signed the papers to rescind the charges against him and they saved him from jail. They couldn't do it to that man's young children.

GOOD PEOPLE, STRUGGLING.

The relationships Elena forges with all manner of officials, the police, and orphanage directors are ABSOLUTELY KEY and CRITICAL to all of us adopting families here in this region. We cannot bring our kids home without it. She is strict to be sure, but she is also an individual with her own life and family and worries and history and future. I've had my moments here, struggling with those things that seem so absurd, and I've even had my moments with Elena over the past year, the important thing is that as Christian adult people, we carry the torches of hope. Being the hands and feet does not only mean you help others when you planned on it, it means when you walk up on a situation that cries out for help, you step forward with passion, to do what you can. God does not show you good people struggling so you can say, wow, that's too bad, and then be glad it didn't happen to you.

We love Elena, and have a deep respect for her, and we hope she will feel that love when we say goodbye to her on Saturday as we board the train to Moscow. I hope she cries when she opens her gift, I love to make people cry from joy. So many people did the same for us to make being here possible. I'm eating Tuna and crackers to help give her a good gift, and my little Starkist lunch kits that I brought and my .98 cent cups of Manchurin Ramen Noodles never tasted so GOOD!

Sneak peek to tomorrow's post: Ian and I ate tuna for dinner and he.....

Just leave a message of HOPE for Elena and her family. The more I get, the sooner Ian's next post goes up and trust me, it's another inspiring tear jerker.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:13-я линия,St Petersburg,Russia

Day 3 of 14: Ian eats out!

2011-08-16T15:04:00.001-04:00

Sometimes, pictures speak a thousand words!

Ian was so tired last night, and likely mentally spent from his world just opening wide like it did, that he fell asleep sitting up LOL! He slept all night, minus the tossing and turning and sitting up in bed half asleep trying to ascertain just exactly where he was and what strange bed he was in!

Ian is a voracious thumb sucker and it was actually so loud that I found it hard to sleep, and it even woke me several times. Hmmm, gonna have to work on that after we get home, his poor little thumb is almost raw from sucking it so much. His mouth is likewise malformed because of it too, I notice its not aligned right and since I just went to the dentist for my other son Ari, who sucks on his hands from time to time, I feel like Ian has what the dentist told me Ari would have if he didn't stop sucking his hands. The thumb sucking is not your normal thumb sucking either, he rather keeps his mouth open so he dried his mouth out and then starts gagging for saliva I guess. I'm not gonna lie, it is disturbing to me.

Ian rocks too, back and forth if you let him. I don't. I've only seen it at night so far and maybe this is how he has put himself to sleep with 11 other kids in his bedroom at night. Poor baby, it's heartbreaking to watch some of the behaviors that you just know have come from his past.

Ian began to stir at about 7:30 this morning and then once he was fully awake I pulled him over into my bed with me and we did some morning snuggles. He wasn't into that too much but he did stay put next to me. Its so super sad about the deficits these kids have with getting and receiving affection. It's SO unnatural and its hard for me to process every time I go to touch him and he's not sure what to do, or what I'm doing. He's getting the hang of it but for most of the time, he is not able to do hugs or kisses or even be picked up. I was talking to Craig last night explaining that Ian doesn't know what to do when he is picked up. He just gets stiff as a board and tries to free himself. He has no idea that you are to wrap your legs around and hold on for the ride. I had to show him that and it blew my mind, it is so not what I am used to in a child either, our Ari is snuggle bug for real, he loves affection and cannot get enough of it and he loves to be picked up.

So, you'll not believe this (unless your name is Heather, Katrina, or Nina) I'm not with Ian right now! He's back at the hotel with two brave young girls, Anastasia and Victoria. They are his very first babysitters! It is mandatory here that when you go to some required appointments around town that you have childcare arranged for the children, they cannot come into many of the offices here and sit for hours in lines. I will be gone most of the day, so this ought to be interesting!?....as I left he had reverted back to wild man Ian, the out of control Ian that we met the first trip. He was yelling and being naughty. When they walked in he was even a bit afraid, I thought he was going to cry. He obviously was not cool with it, but the girls are good and they had him laughing when I closed the door. They have strict orders not to leave the hotel and order lunch in the room. Good luck girls!

So, how does one find a babysitter in Russia? One name - BORIS! Yep, He's a jack of all trades and the two young ladies he helped me to hire for this day, and again on Friday when we go pick up Ian's passport, they could not be more perfect for Ian. I phoned the room several times to check on them and they girls reported that Ian ate a big lunch of meat and potatoes! He actually ate more with them then he did for me! I guess they know what Russian kids want to eat!

So, our facilitator E and I took care of our to do list all over the city today. We had lunch at really calming Sushi house ten steps from her apartment. I had the best non-alcoholic Mojito I ever had too, and the cherry dumplings for dessert were awesome. Craig let me take his new camera with me so I would not be lugging our pro camera and I took my first panoramic shot from the steps of the sushi place. Tomorrow I have a two part post coming up, our day as usual, but a special post about our facilitator E. It will seriously make you cry, I know I have been crying for her since we started getting real with one another at the Passport office while "taking" line.

After I got back to the hotel from lunch, Ian was playing in the babysitters shoes, walking all around in heels! Good lord this boy is a card! The girls left, and Ian and I went down for a nap. BEST advice I ever got from my mother when I had Ari: sleep when your baby sleeps! I did not take her advice the last time I had a new baby in my midst, and I regretted it. Today was proof that you can teach and old pony new tricks. He and I slept - for three hours!

We woke, and since the girls let me know that he ate really well of meat and potatoes, I thought we would try our hand at a restaurant where I knew I could get him a kids plate of happy face potatoes and mini hot dogs (knew that because that was the plate Ari enjoyed at the same restaurant when we were here for Trip #1). That's right people, once again I dared the powers that be and left our quarters, this time for dinner in a public place. Any takers on how it went?

Sometimes, pictures speak a thousand words!

Do you see anything notable in our dinner pictures? Nope, neither do I, and that my friends IS the notable part! Ian has never ever eaten in a restaurant, ever. He was like ANY OTHER KID in there! In fact, there was another 5 something little boy there and he was acting out, screaming, hitting the table, etc....while our boy was as cool as a cucumber.

Like I said yesterday, AMAZING. He wanted to sit in the big boy chair, alone. HE PICKED OUT HIS OWN PLATE OF FOOD from the picture choices. They brought markers and paper, and he drew. The food was taking a while, so he put his head on the table and comforted himself without a peep. He asked for water intermittently, and when the not so bright waiter brought out my food before his (clearly he has no young children), he weathered that storm WELL! He actually turned to the kitchen entrance where he watched them bringing out the food from, pointed to it, and then to himself. He was asking, in the only way he can right now, "...and where is my food?"

Awe man, I can't even begin to express to you how humbling and how EASY taking care of him is.

Ian makes up his own fun games too! I am all too happy to play along. After dinner, and because it has turned lovely here, sunny and warm, no rain at all - we went for a long, slow walk around this very big block. I had intended for us to hit the playground again, but since they were burning a massive pile of what must have been toxic materials in the back lot near the playground, and the white smoke was choking us, I thought not.

Ian has this little bottle of water that I keep refilling for him. He knowns it belongs to him. While we were walking, he began to take it out of the holder on the stroller, carry it a few paces, and then place it on the ground and look up and smile and laugh. I think he thinks water, in a bottle, is hilarious! he often stares at it, shakes it, and examines it.

Dear Amy and Matt, yes, those are the shoes you sent me for Heidi. I
CAN explain! You see, we grossly, and I mean really embarrassingly, sized Ian's feet wrong last time we saw him. Me, being uber prepared, bought and brought THREE sizes of shoes for him, sure that one would fit. None fit, not a one, all way to big for him. So, in the midst of the crazy snatch and grab that was Gotcha Day, E suggested I take those shoes you sent, and have Ian wear them. I was totally horrified! First, they were meant for Little One and second, they were GIRLS shoes! Poor Ian, he can't even escape girls stuff with his long awaited forever family, I felt so totally lame! I SO did not want to do it but I had no choice, the kids are stripped of everything, and if you don't have it for them well, you are SO out of luck. I'm so sorry!

Here's the saving grace about the shoes though. IAN loves the red light up stars on the front and in he car ride from H---, those shoes saved us all, multiple times! They are still working their light up girl shoe magic and make for a great redirect when things get hairy outside and I need to reel him back in! of course, all of the other shoes I brought promptly replaced this pair and so the groupa got a good deal. Yeesh!

Happy boy.

...yes it's an infant tub (don't judge, its all they had and he fits so I'm going with it!). He loves bath but the focus is all about washing and none about playing. I gave him a bath toy today, rubber ducky, and he proceeded to try and use it to scrub himself. I knew this was going to happen, they are so regimented at the orphanage, and likely just sprayed down. They have been trained to meticulously wash themselves, heck he does a better job than I do on myself.

Here's another one of him:

Whups!, thats NOT our IAN, it's our ARI! they so look like brothers to me:)

Step 1: find feet under deluge of bubbles

Step 2: scrub with mommies scrunchie because the hotel keeps removing our wash clothes and not returning them and when I ask for more they only bring more and more scrunchies

Step 3: examine a job well done, checking for any missed spots

Step 4 - 400: repeat same for ENTIRE body and especially the bum. He's got to be the cleanest former orphan this side of the Atlantic.

A bath time like that would tire even the most resolute 5 year old OUT.

Tonight, while I was watching him fall asleep, he began to rock.

I immediately went over and knelt by his bed, laid my head down, began to sing Amazing Grace and rub his head. WHAT I WOULD NOT PAY to have known what was going on in his brain at that moment. He soaked it all up but too, he did the most wonderful thing to me that I have never experienced in my entire life!

We had faces close as I sang and he sucked that dag gone thumb. He was looking at me intently and then, he reached out and with the most exacting and light as a feather touch, he touched my EYE LASHES! back and forth he played with my eyelashes, both top and bottom! He never once poked my eye and had the steadiest hand, and all of this occurred in a mostly dark room! I really have no words to describe the feelings I was having when this was going on. I of course started to cry and his pillow was then stained with my mascara laden tear drops.

The one thing I always knew about coming here alone was that it would be our time to bond. When a little child PETS your eyelashes at night and smiles so big at you like he did...I feel like tonight he understood that I am his mama and that I am never going to leave him.

...and I never will.

Location:13-я линия,St Petersburg,Russia

Gotcha Day!

2011-08-15T19:24:00.001-04:00

First off, my deepest apologies to ALL whose blogs I have stalked on their Gotcha Days wondering why it took SO LONG for them to post about it! LOL It's dag gone near impossible, especially with me being here alone, to blog now that Ian is with me, ahhhh, so much for the grand plans (no pun intended but someone just started playing some serious classical music on the baby grand piano they have in the lobby here at our hotel) cool! I get to wright Ian's Gotcha Day post to some live Mozart:).

It's fitting though, because this kid Ian - HE'S AN INSTANT CLASSIC!

So, the morning of Gotcha Day went like this:

- 5:15 I woke up, sent some emails, listened to a voice memo from my son telling my he loves me:), got ready, packed Ian's clothes (yea!), lugged the orphanage donation suitcase of clothing down the flight of steps (nope, no elevator here), grabbed a quick continental breakfast and got myself into the lobby all ready to be picked up.

- 7:15 am left the hotel for the Passport application process.

- 7:15-9:45 waited in line for the passport office (which is located in a fantastic renovated factory called the "United" document center) to open at 9:00 am and then waited for our number "19" to be called to room "19" to apply.

- 10:00 changed some money to purchase train tickets.

- 10:30 arrived at the train station to purchase tickets for the train ride from here to Moscow on Saturday. Train tickets were about $300.00 for a one way to Moscow on the fast train for both of us.

- 11:00 Arrived at the Adoption Unit office to pick up documents that we will need in Moscow at the Embassy.

- Noon: Arrived back to the hotel for a surprise break in the day, I had until 1:45 to work my nerves up even more before we left for the camp LOL!

- 1:45 left to pick up our facilitator "E" then headed to the grocery store where we bought $150.00 worth of goodies for Ian's farewell tea party - of which neither he or I get to partake in (yeah, crazy sad). I bought some really tasty chicken with peaches and cheese on top (sounds gross but it was SO SO good) and some bread as I could not eat lunch at the hotel because remember, I was working myself into cold sweats getting all nervous.

- About 3:45 we arrived at the camp! Earlier that day I lamented that the sun was officially gone from St. Petersburg until May 2012 (which is what E told me!), as we pulled into camp, the SUN SHONE all over the place and the cold nip ran away from the air. It turned into a beautiful day outside.

I was told this morning that our arrival to the camp would culminate in a swift removal of Ian and goodbye. I hated that. I wanted to spend some time with the other children. I was impossible. The moment we got there they released Ian to me and I got zero help with him the entire time.

Not all orphanages are created equally. Some caregivers love the kids, some clearly don't. Today the clearly don'ts were out in force, mean mugging me the whole time. A couple were gracious and one in particular at least tried to help me get him dressed by talking to him.

any who......

Ian was outside on the walk when we came up. I had a 50 pound suitcase filled with clothing for the groupa and we had 5 big bags from the grocery store. Pulling the suitcase through the SAND at the camp was a workout!

Guess what my baby did for the first time EVER?

When he saw me, HE RAN TO ME and jumped into my arms and gave me a hug and then turned to everyone and waved and said BYE! Oh my gosh that moment was SO funny! If you have been following Ian's story you will realize that for him to do that, to run to me and hug me, was MAJOR.

On the way to the camp, I flipped open my ipad and touched to open an app I have. It's called DAILY HELP. It's a spiritual app, and gives you some scripture and a message to start each day with. I don't know what made me open it, but I am sure it was not by accident that the message for today had this printed in it in BIG CAPITAL LETTERS:

SHE WON THE VICTORY BY BELIEVING IN HIM

Like I said, I've been doing enough thinking to think myself into a pit about these two weeks of me and Ian alone together. I've followed LOTS of blogs and I've met Ian twice, and both times he screamed most of the time and dismantled his immediate surroundings. Craig calls me the softie of the two of us when it comes to parenting. He's right, I'm the love-v dove-e one, I cave easy!

When I read this message today right before we turned into camp, I knew it was about me and Ian. I needed to BELIEVE that he could do this, and be okay. I kinda hoped he could, and I have told others that I thought he'd be great, but I know that I did not fully BELIEVE my own words.

So, right quick, before we got out of the car I said a prayer and I made sure that I walked towards his groupa a with a new attitude. I KNEW IAN could do great! and the whole tone of the day was instantly changed.

Here is more of the passage:

The woman opens her soul wide, expecting great things of Jesus, and he fills it with his love. Dear reader, do the same. She laid fast hold upon him, and drew arguments even out of his words; she believed great things of him, and she thus overcame him. SHE WON THE VICTORY BY BELIEVING IN HIM. Her case is an instance of prevailing faith; and if we would conquer like her, we must imitate her.

*********************
Up first: GET IAN DRESSED TO LEAVE (they don't do it at #40, you do it and they watch you!)

Let's talk fashion for orphans for a moment. It leaves lots to be desired. The first time we met Ian he sported pink pants, socks worn so thin they had holes and his little tootsies were sticking out of them, too tight shoes, and about 4 layers of upper body clothing - oye vey! Today was NO better, he had on full body purple girls tights, corduroy shorts, and 3 upper layers. It was a screaming struggle, but I finally got him dressed.

It's time for this boy to rock some style! Unfortuatley, since they basically just gave him to me and never looked back, I had a really hard time getting any decent pictures of this day AND trying to keep Ian from bolting!

Choosing a gotcha day outfit, and Ian's first real outfit was too much fun for me. I had lots to choose from this morning since I had to abandon the choice Craig and I made together at home before I left (it was shorts and a short sleeve shirt) as it's straight up chilly here.

So, I chose a navy blue ensemble, and he rocked it like this!:

Then it was, believe it or not, time to leave! Talk about a crazy few moments there, I was trying to focus on Ian but my heart was breaking that I was not going to be able to hug our little friends here Heidi and Angelina. I did manage to get a picture of Angelina making quick work of a play structure (look out Randy and Shelia! She's a monkey!)

"E" tried to snap a Gotcha Day photograph but Ian was having NONE of that! I think it is a conspiracy at #40 (right Heather?) to NOT let your new parents and the hundreds of others waiting for this ONE picture, have it!

This is the best one we could get - I swear that's Ian under that hat!

We left the camp right away and he was chomping at the bit to get into the car. The social director from the camp rode back with us - awesome, now I had three people in the car with us all watching me try to parent Ian, and boy did he work me! We were ALL glad to get out of that car when we arrived back at the hotel. Sufficient to say, I had to keep telling myself "BELIEVE BELIEVE" in order to make it through that RIDE.

Once we got back to the hotel, things got under some modicum of control and the magic began to really happen for this sweet little boy. He is such a gift, such a smarty pants, he's been a giant blessing to us for more than a year and now that he is in our midst, he is so much more than I ever imagined. I'm crying for HIM because God knew that he should not languish and die in a terrible place. Ian would have KNOWN all that was happening to him. He is not at all imbecilic or even slow (as they call children like him here), he's the OPPOSITE! He can do things I have not seen typically developing children who have grown up in families do. He is AMAZING me in every second I am with him.

I so don't feel even worthy for this treasure that God has placed in my lap, but I'm not gonna lie when I say that ALL OF THE WORK that it has taken to make this day possible (and y'all know it was HELL of earth for much of it), has totally WASHED AWAY. For him, I would do it 100 times.

There are SO MANY things that happened for Ian and me in the space of the two or three hours he was awake after they left us at the hotel. I can't blog them all right now because it's 2 am here and I have got to get some sleep. So for now, here are some highlights:

After we did potty (which is an issue, kinda funny, actually kinda hilarious, for which I promise to talk all about tomorrow), and because the weather was nice and I knew I needed to run those energizer bunny batteries down if I was going to have any chance at getting him to sleep, WE LEFT THE HOTEL. Yep! thats right, we went outside, to the total violation of all suggested actions for brand newly adopted kiddos and mama's traveling alone. What can I say, I'm just not good at following directions!

I was a witness to a child's first time out FREE to run in the world. This ALONE was worth it all, to watch this was absolutely amazing! Stunning really. Once we got to the little playground adjacent to the hotel (yep, that is one reason I chose this hotel) I let him out of my firm grasp and he ran, and then stopped....and looked up.

He was speechless. The tall (to him) buildings that he could reach out and TOUCH, the people, the birds, the air, the FREEDOM. He looked up towards the sky and closed his eyes and reached out, as if to touch God and say THANK YOU. It was SO hard for me to keep it together, I wanted to just sit down and cry. Not possible though because this kid is FAST!

We had fun. We got stared at and I am sure talked about, but I could have cared less, there was something SO amazing going on around the people watching us, it was kind of a strange happiness in me that only him and I knew what was unfolding - to everyone else we looked crazy I'm sure.

Do you see him examining the under side of the seesaw? Ian is an examiner. He wants to know HOW everything works. He is a brilliant learner, he can already sign "more" and I swear to you that he knows what I am saying to him! I ask him if he wants water (just like that in English) and he answers in Russian, clearly and with purpose. When he's thirsty, he answers yes, and when he's not, he says no.

He explored the hotel room, every inch, and we had some minor needs for parenting to keep us all safe (like throwing toys full force into the mirrors and other newly released freely into the world 5 year old boy teachable moments).

My favorite funny moments from our time in the hotel room are:

-When I brought out a mechanical dog who barks and walks when you pet his back, IAN took off my flip-flops (yes, he loves to wear my shoes) and proceeded to batter the barking doggie over the head with my shoe!

-When we were eating dinner, mac and cheese for him and Ramen for me (he clearly does not do noodles), he would look at me really close, smile, look at his food, and bust out laughing!

-When it was time for bed, he wasn't sure about it so after I laid him down and sat on the edge of his bed, he got back up, pulled off the blanket, and climbed into my arms and hugged me tight. Then he laid back down. AMAZING.

I don't know when I will have a chance to let all of the emotions of this day, this trip, this year plus adoption process - OUT. I need a really good hard, cry. It's the good kind to be sure, but it's been bottled up and wish Craig was here. I miss my Ari bug badly and I feel like if one thing does go wrong, I'm gonna fall apart. Today was a good day. 2 of 14 down, 13 to go. Please keep us in your prayers.

AMEN. :)

Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:St Petersburg,Russia

The Crossing

2011-08-13T18:19:00.007-04:00

From just off the Eastern seaboard of America, and owing to the amazement that is Internet access from 35,000 feet, it's time to talk.

I'm currently crossing the ocean. To do so, I had to leave the earthly loves in my life, my precious almost 5 year old son Ari, and the man in my life, Craig. I left them in search of another love, sweet Ian. This month since court has been a whirlwind at our home. We have been making it ready and more functional for our new normal, which will undoubtedly be the joyous chaos of two little boys under 6! (by the way Craig I have an idea for the glass problem in the office, email me!).

I've had so much fun shopping for all of Ian's first new clothes, shoes, socks, pj's, etc...we have matching strollers, car seats, and a few matching outfits for Ari and Ian to wear on their first photo shoot together, which was donated to us through a wonderful project called Little Heroes. I've loved making all of Ian's doctors appointments too - what a deep deep overwhelming feeling it has been to know that soon he is going to be getting the best care available. I even convinced his new pediatrician, Dr. Allison, to take us into her practice when she is not taking new patients! I talked to at least 30 moms and dads with little ones with Down Syndrome in our area and so many just love Dr. A that I had to beg her, and some other folks begged her on our behalf too, to be Ian's pediatrician.

Ian's brother Ari started his new school and program and it went off without a hitch, which was a real BIG concern for me this week. They love him and he seems to love his new preschool. He's already well known - for all good reasons too:) this kid is amazing I tell you. I was able to lock down his 5th birthday venue, get the invitations printed and some even mailed! I booked a face painter and balloon maker too, the same wonderful couple that did Ian's fund raising face painting at the Down Syndrome Holiday party last year. It will be so good to be just regular guests at that event this year.

Ian's new life has taken real shape this past week, and it's not just a stack of papers in our office anymore, our real little boy is coming home. I could burst into crocodile tears at any moment, and I am sure once I get to Russia and flop onto the bed, I will. There is no place to go now but into tomorrow, which is straight where I am flying.

Our lives are at a crossing of no return, love, desperation, and hope. It's over the top to be sure, and while I sit here confined to my seat not knowing what to expect for the next two or more weeks while I attempt to finally free Ian from the the circumstances that WE as a world have relegated him to, I feel.....changed.

In so many, many ways.

THE POINT of NO RETURN....today when I chatted via cell phone with my mother before I left, we talked about how this adoption for me, feels like real child birth. Not in the physical sense of course, although the pain and stress and labor of paperwork that has a human life attached to you getting it right every time over and over for more a year, and begging for donations to foot that bill IS INCREDIBLY CHALLENGING, it feels like the moment when you are ready to be done being pregnant! You know sleepless nights are ahead but you are so over the 13 MONTHS that it has taken to get Ian here, you say bring it on!

I have made friends through this journey that I may never meet in person but who have supported us as if we were born of the same mother. While we most assuredly are not blood sisters, we are family. We are all God's children, which makes us stronger in sisterhood than blood ever could. I have had the pleasure of watching many of these women triumph, over so many things that keep all of us from growing deeper and stronger personal relationships with Christ. I have watched my sisters, through the common bond of international special needs adoption, rise up like the strongest army and turn mess after mess into - miracle after miracle.

This has been one miraculous summer. Many lives have been saved and are destined for love beyond measure. People have been changed.

If you know anything about the good, then you know that the bad is always lurking, nipping at the heals of those who would serve a king. The nasty, mean, deplorable, hurtful, hateful, racist, and just downright idiotic things that me and my sisters and our families have endured through all of our journey's, has both made me stronger and made me feel like at some point, my Achilles heel might be discovered and I could crumble into a soupy ball of pity on the floor. EWE, yuck. I don't wanna go there.

Day after tomorrow, I take the long ride to Ian's camp. They will strip him of borrowed and shared clothing. I will dress him in new clothes that were hand picked, in new shoes that fit and support a little boys feet (brought in three sizes just to be sure), and we will walk, hand-in-hand (or with him kicking and screaming flung over my shoulder, could go either way but I'm hoping for choice A), out of the only life he's ever known.

All of us reading this think "YEA!" he's finally going to be free.

What will Ian think? He won't know what we know, that that walk is the point of no return (unless of course you are an American teacher who decided you no longer want your orphan from Russia and you pin a note to him and ship him back on an airplane alone). I just wonder what is about to happen in that mind of my now eldest son. He's a smart one, but he's tender too and I pray I can comfort him when the loss starts to hit him. Thank God for Anya Fillmore, there's a something kinda special skype reunion gonna take place real soon!

For us, I have concerns like any human person would, but since there is really no where to go with those thoughts other than a full on panic attack, I just let it wash over me. While I am gone, our home has been stacked with maximum supports. Craig works an incredibly hard job all week, he hasn't had a vacation in more than a year. Our house is falling apart slowly, and we can't really attend to it until we recover financially from this adoption. That wears on a man, especially a fix it kind of guy like Craig is, he worries about the house, and it hurts me to watch him try to figure out how to get things fixed. He's plum tired... it was hard to leave him there by himself to handle it all plus work. Usually I'm there, and I do a ton, happily. Yes, I'm traveling thousands of miles to get Ian, but that for now is restful to me alone on this part of the trip, while my guys do life at home. Ari is the energizer bunny and we tag team him in between family times on the weekends so that each of us can at least use the restroom or shower in some relative peace. Keep your head up babe! I'l be home eventually!

Some of the nasty things that I have watched, and am still watching, my sisters in faith go through on this journey have to do with the points of no return. It's here, I'm gone, my family is alone. Thank God one of us could remain in the states, it makes a big difference. It costs money, lots of money, either way you cut it, one or both parents gone costs money. To make this all work at home while I'm gone, and to try and not kill Craig, I hope to have pulled off a miracle at home. This coming week, and going forward, we have hired a caregiver, a SUPER former teacher of Ari's, Lisa, to pick Ari up from school three days a week, take him to therapy, feed him dinner, and get him all ready for bed. Don't get me wrong, we love Ari to the ends of the earth but when I say that he is work, he will tire out an ironman triathlete in less than 69 seconds! To Ari, Lisa is the bees-knees, he LoVeS to play with her and so for him, it's a great deal. I Wanna give a BIG shout out to LISA for moving from California, staring grad school, and picking right up with our family madness without missing a beat!

On wednesday night, my mom will fly in (again) to care for Ari for three days while Craig flies to Denver, CO for Ransomed Heart Ministries. Taking care of your spiritual self is the most important things I feel one can do in order to be ready and willing and able to walk the path God lays out for you. Craig will be spending time in prayer, and I am so so grateful that he is going.

When my dear friends Donnie and Karrie Cannell went to Ukraine to put their lives out there for God and to walk out a truly Christian path, they got way criticized for flying home during the 10 day wait between court and when you can actually walk your new child(ren) out of the orphanage. People had the unmitigated gall to assert that because this family fundraised the more than $40,000.00 they needed to rescue two little ones with a horrific congenital skin condition that requires daily bandaging and wound care, they should not spend those dollars doing what needed to be done at home for their other children, and for themselves, in order to keep it all going.

Appalling.

You have to spend some of the money you raise to keep your lives going so that you CAN go and get your adopted child and bring them home, and anyone who thinks otherwise is not really thinking. It cost me $360.00 plus a $50.00 gas card to get Craig some essential help while I'm gone in Lisa, and that was at bargain basement prices, remembering that our Ari has special needs and requires 100% supervision. I have no reason to lie, YES some of that money came from money we have raised. How does one think I could just up and leave for two weeks to get Ian and not keep the house running? For Karrie and Donnie, who had to be gone for 6 weeks, that price tag was near $10,000.00 to keep their other children in food, rent, school, gas, etc...ignorance is not bliss people, and it can do so much harm. Karrie got harassed for telling the truth about adoption. She told that they needed to raise money for the 6 weeks her husband could not work when they we're gone to rescue TWO orphans. I felt honored to donate to the Cannell's for whatever they needed to make the road POSSIBLE and easier.

I want other people to adopt orphans. I want to keep it real for them, so they can weather it all. Here are a few gems I would have loved to have known before they came about so I could have recognized them: (1) don't be mad or sad or act like its not fair when MANY people will have begun and completed their adoptions before you, months before you; (2) HOLD your tounge! You may need whoever you are getting ready to diss to complete paperwork for you; (3) whatever "they" say your addition is going to cost, add at least $10,000 to that amount and you might raise enough and (4) JUST LOVE your kid no matter what! Even if they don't love you back and they behave like wild Bison, love them through.

There is no going back now, we are in this, and with all the JOY of what is, what has been, and what will be, perspective is important. Craig cannot take leave from his employment, period. I can, so the choice was clear. My trepidations now? How will we absorb the loss of my salary from work for 6 weeks and more, as we begin to get Ian the surgeries he needs to be okay, to finally be able to see, and to have a good heart. I do not purport to have any clue, and that is how God takes care of us because HE does know and he won't forsake us. $41,000.00 was raised in 13 months to save Ian. That still left more than $10,000.00 we put in ourselves. The day before I left for this trip I had the great pleasure to stop by the home of John and Nancy, Kate and Ripsie Crews. Little Ripsie Mae came home from Armenia, a Reece's Rainbow child, early this spring. Nancy went alone to get her too. Nancy and John are amazing people. They have one daughter who is about 30 years old and confined to a wheelchair due to Cerebral Palsy. Kate Crews is one the most inspiring people I have ever met. She suffered greatly this summer, trying to live in the body she has, it's a daily painful battle for her, and her health care coverage reduced her at home aide allowance during the Crews' TWO year adoption journey. Ripsie is 6. Nancy and John are 60! They have no help, they, like us, have buy help, for both of their sweet girls, in order that they can work to provide and give the girls a quality of life in a loving family.

Not us, not Karrie and Donnie, not John and Nancy and Kate, and not any other family that travels this road should have to endure the hurtful and ugly things people do and say. No, no one has said anything to me lately, but throughout I have been battered by ignorance and and even the dead silence from people you thought we're your closest friends, can wound. I want to tell the truth about our adoption, and I have, because it's important to start changing the mindset about how all of this really goes down. In the two weeks to come I don't want this blog to be all rose colored, and I only report the good, skip the bad, and hide the ugly. What can be gained from a nice pretty blog with nice pretty pictures that hides the difficult parts of all of this? Its very difficult to complete an international special needs adoption, not to mention what lies ahead for everyone once the children are home: Donnie and Karrie's boys need hand surgeries, surgeries to OPEN wider their throats so they can swallow food without gagging and more; little Ripsie Mae had one eye surgery and is facing another one and she needs a full assessment of her Down Syndrome, which is looking more and more like a rare combination of some other disabling conditions; Ian needs eye, heart, and other surgeries and more....There are babies, infants, lying in cribs all day sedated to keep them from fussing who will die soon if no one chooses them and starts the process of adoption. SOBERING, isn't it? How can we color that fact?

...people say " but you knew all of this before." We all new some of it before, but that's not the point. We didn't all sit down and list out these kids' needs and then figure out we could handle it all. We saw their pictures on a website, we found out what would happen to Ian, John, Carson, Ripsie.... if someone did not intervene and take immediate steps to rescue them, we fell to our knees and asked God if this was our purpose....and he said YES. Stepping out over the cliff of what we thought was our faith to get the job at hand done was part of the teaching and part of the gift that is adoption. Over this past year many people we know have remarked to us that they think what we are doing is amazing, and to be gracious, we always say thank you. It makes me cringe on the inside though and here's why: All it took for me to know that Ian needed us was for ONE person to tell me and then show me in still photographs, what is happening to human children with special needs in parts of the world that just cannot deal with them. That one person was Andrea Roberts, founder and director of Reece's Rainbow, the place on the Internet where we found Ian. Being a teacher by profession, I can't ignore the study materials God has opened my eyes to in order that I might sit for the test. Bet y'all didn't know I am a High School Dropout.

Yea, I was, but not anymore, I know that when the time comes for me to answer for my life, and if I we're asked why I did nothing when I KNEW his children were sufferingg and HE gave me enough day to day resources to welcome a child who would die otherwise into the HOME he blessed me with - UHHHH - UMMMM - WELL, I, UM.....there would be no excuse, none, period. So, when people say to us, "wow, I can't believe your doing this," I think, "wow, I can't believe your NOT."

Not everyone can actually bring an orphaned child into their home to raise and live, we know this. We also know that many who choose to not adopt (because knowing about it doing nothing is a choice) DO have the resources, they just have a FEAR that is so overwhelming (and to be honest it usually has to do with the thought that one will loose whatever lifestyle they have or that they have been working towards having). This is why you hear, all over the place, that if you cannot adopt yourself, then HELP someone who CAN. Help comes in MANY forms too, not just money.

I never thought I could be so broke while at the same time be so rich, so full, so wealthy in the spirit of righteousness. It's priceless.

It's true love. A love for God above all. Someone told me recently that I should not wear my love of God on my sleeve, so to speak. Someone else asked me last fall if I was turning into a Jesus freak because I had some new Christian centered home decor.

LOVE and peace are what our God is all about, and yes, resoundingly, I want to wear those principles on my sleeve and if you choose to call it such, yes, I'd like to be a freak for love and peace and doing the right good. I had 40 years to do other stuff and judging by the results I got, I ain't smart enough to run this. Giving my life To God is a good thing for me, and the witness I am, I have, because of it is profound. I am a better mom, a better person, I'm stronger, and all that he is sending for the next years of my life, I have every confidence are much better choices and directions than I could have ever hatched for myself.

I'M OKAY BEING DESPERATE FOR LOVE AND PEACE. It keeps me doing the right things for other people. It keeps me dying to self, which can be a real battle, and it keeps me patient and kind. HOPE can only come from desperation, otherwise you are lacking nothing and so you never look for hope, and it can't find you either.

Long before I knew that Ian would be the child I would be crossing this ocean for again, for the 5th time at this very moment, I named this blog BRING HOPE HOME. Oh how I love the way God weaves things in and out of my life and connects them all up on the other side to make a beautiful tapestry (my friend Lorriane Patterson shared that analogy with me and I love it). I can honestly say, without a doubt and with no regrets, that hope, the kind that is infallible, has finally come home -

Inside of my heart.

For the next two weeks I'm going to be hopeful that you won't judge, that you will support, and be kind, as I try to share as best I can about this part of the journey, the most important step yet - Ian's road to home. I'll be honest and I will need your prayers for us to get us through any bumps in road. I'm excited and a little bit scared and a lot a bit tired, but most of all

......I'm a ton thankful.

an OVERNIGHT miracle!

2011-08-04T23:30:00.004-04:00

Guess what God did?

HE MOVED THAT MOUNTAIN

with a quickness!

WE ARE FULLY FUNDED!

$37,000.00 raised up in 13 months

to save one beautiful little boy

our son

and now he comes home

AMEN and GOODNIGHT!!!!!!!

PS - I leave in 9 days and this gift of being fully funded means we can stop fund raising and begging and, for 9 days, blogging. Whew, I'm SO exhausted so I need to spend these last 9 days recharging,

Next post, from Russia!

10 Days

2011-08-03T18:50:00.004-04:00

In the morning

it will be just

10 days until I leave for Russia for two weeks to

bring Ian home

*********can I get an AMEN!*******

and about $4,000.00?

We are TIRED ya'll

and I have a mountain of work to be done before I leave

i can't even fathom a fund raiser that I could pull off now

pretty please share Ian,

in every medium that you can,

we gotta get this number

to be this number

$26,000.00

in 10 days

oh my gosh. help.

Save the Date!

2011-07-19T22:17:00.008-04:00

The date is set

like any new mom approaching her "due" date, or in this case "gotcha date! "

********************

I am very nervous about going these two weeks alone

thousands of miles from my little boy Ari

without my rock, Craig

where I don't speak the language

and where I will be parenting a child who knows not what that is, and who will be grieving a loss of his own

long train and plane rides just me and him

weeks away from home

fighting the fear is proving difficult

especially with

*************

the mountain before us tonight

*************

I need to be in Russia on August 14th until August 20th then to Moscow from August 20th to August 26th to complete Ian's adoption and bring him home

we cannot make any moves right now

we are totally dependent on God and his people

********

our last trip not more than a week ago, cost us $10,000.00

*********

that was all we had in our adoption account

the total now to save our son looming at $38,000 already spent

so, as we press in deeply to our faith

we ask you to share Ian's FSP button,

to the right at the top of our blog

we need to raise at least $5,000 NOW & we are utterly exhausted, too much to plan a grand fundraiser, we just need donations, no amount is too small, we can offer nothing in return but a sweet little boy becoming an orphan no more, coming home - he has waited so long

we won't hear back about the grant until July 27th, that could end the need

but we cannot count on it

****************

hands and feet people

that is what sweet Ian needs tonight, tomorrow, the next day, and the next, to help get him home forever

***************************

God bless and keep you and please pray for Ian and I as we prepare to go this road alone together

and always

with Jesus nearby

Celebration in Paris!

2011-07-17T17:17:00.014-04:00

so.....court was over, Ian can soon come home

GOD HAD SPOKEN

we were exhausted, in every way possible

we awoke at 2:15 am and then.......

*************

We walked up to the Luftansa counter at St. Petersburg airport. Craig was SO tired, and I was kind of beat up too, the week in Russia was hard, despite the joy of the approval of Ian’s adoption.

I was kind of worried about springing the surprise about our day in Paris.

Soooo, I let the Luftansa agent do it! LOL. She said, “…and your final destination is…” Craig blurted out, “Chicago,” and I interrupted, “no, actually it’s Paris.” It took a while for him to get it, but then he did. John and Nina Clark already knew about my plans for our adoption celebration, so they were in on it as far as Craig was concerned.

Needless to say, he was surprised! Happy, not so much, but I hoped it would get better when we got to the magnificent city of Paris, France.

It did! However not before we had an agonizing route from Frankfurt to the Park Inn hotel at Charles De Gaulle airport. We got maybe 30 min to lie down – in a REALLY soft and grand bed! Then it was back to the airport and off on the RER train to downtown Paris to meet our guide outside of the Denfert-Rochereau station in the South of the city.

We made it, for a pretty penny, or rather Euro (Paris is EXPENSIVE!!), and found our guide Simon and our private van, and headed off for a 4 hour guided tour of the city which included all of the following.

For your viewing pleasure, may I present our day in Paris!

***************************

First order of business, Notre Dame

Maurice de Sully, the Paris Bishop, started its construction in 1163. The work lasted until 1270.

***************************

Next, a driving tour

Paris Sorbonne University dates back to the 13th century.

It was one of the first universities in the world.

The Louvre Museum (Musée du Louvre) in Paris, France, is one of the largest and most famous museums in the world. Part of the royal Palace of the Louvre was first opened to the public as a museum on November 8, 1793, during the French Revolution.

This is the Ritz in Paris, the hotel from which Princess Di took her final drive

The Pont Alexandre III bridge, 1896, named after the Russian Tzar Alexander III

The Avenue des Champs-Élysées

The tomb of Napoleon

The Arc de Triomphe

***************************

Then, on to Sacre Cour - The Holy Heart of Jesus Church

The view from the steps of Sacre Cour

The last vineyard in Paris

Our guide, Simon enjoying a mint cooler in the artists haven that is Montmarte

*****************************

Our tour concluded at the Eiffel Tower, we had tickets for a 9:30 trip to level 2. Simon dropped us off at a corner with some street café’s for dinner, right under the tower it seemed, as the view had the tower looming above us while we dined. AWESOME! Dinner was tasty! I had a typical French cuisine, Beef Bourguignon, and Craig had – hold your breathe – A Bacon Cheeseburger! It was a really great cheeseburger though! My dinner was excellent, I really enjoyed it.

From there, we walked to the tower, taking in the people and the scene at the tower, there were thousands of people from all over the world, it was great to be there, and to have time to really sit and look one of the worlds most visited structures. We admired the massive size of it, and the melting pot all around us. Several joyful little children played with us as we spent more than an hour on a bench people watching, waiting for our entry time.

The plan was to go to level two and then head up to the top. So, we began our trip up on the massive lifts.

Then, it all went sour. I FREAKED OUT! I am somewhat afraid of heights. I try to conquer it, mind over matter right? I don’t want to put my own fears onto my kids so I try to not give in, and I rarely talk about it. This time however, I lost it.

I was trying to be bold so I stood right by the door in the elevator so I could capture all of the best views as we went up. BAD IDEA! I have been to the top of the Sears Tower, The Twin Towers before 911, and to the top of the Empire State Building. The issue with the Eiffel Tower is that you can see it all as you are going up, and the elevator is just so scantly inside of the metal beams that it feels like you are close to falling out – at least it does for me.

Craig saw that I was about to cry and I moved to the center of the car. He did the best he could to comfort me. Then we arrive to the second floor and oh my!

The view was INCREDIBLE!!! I was able to enjoy it, but going up to the top in that thin metal spire, in that small series of FOUR more lifts, was going to be impossible for me on this day.

I was totally disappointed in myself. This was to be our grand celebration of Ian, from the top of Paris. I had to let it go, there was just no way, I would have panicked up there and wanted to get down.

Still, it was AMAZING to be inside the tower. It was so much more than I imagined, so massive, so impressive, so historic, so incredible, so cool.

We left the tower after dark and getting back to the hotel was another adventure that left us drained and tired and frustrated, but OH SO thankful and happy to crash in our comfy bed for a real nights sleep before heading back to Charles De Gualle for our trans Atlantic flight to Chicago to pick up Ari and then fly home to Atlanta.

and.........

we are home:)

Our Court

2011-07-16T21:16:00.010-04:00

Sorry this post is late, it was such a whirlwind from the time we left the hotel on Thursday morning until right at this very moment, as we have just begun to cross the Atlantic Ocean towards home, I have not had time to blog, or look at pictures, or to even really let it all sink in that Ian is finally coming home.

It has been just over a year for us
It has been 5 years and 5 months for him
He has never lived, not as an infant or otherwise, in a home

change is once again in the air

As a kind of an OCD mom, my brain is already swirling. You take classes, you read blogs, people share stories, and you have your own thoughts – about this next step. I'm happy to be sure, elated really, but the planning mill is already churning at triple speed in my mind.

Ian is coming home
It is wonderful, glorious, a miracle
There is much to be done

This adoption has been an awesome journey so far. So many ups and downs, so many friends made, and even some lost, because we chose adoption, and so much work. We are forever changed, and the end result of that, as the legal process is about concluded, is nothing but a good thing that we are so, so grateful for. Craig and I are better people, better parents to Ari, and better follows of God – as a DIRECT result of going through an international special needs orphan adoption.

WE WOULD NOT TRADE everything we have been through, because part of what you learn is that it is all preparation for what is ahead. We are not expecting that this next part will be EASY. We didn’t ask for easy, we asked for a personal relationship with Christ that was emotional, spiritual, REAL to US, and that we could walk out in our EVERYDAY lives. This road to Ian, to God, this one is ending in a way, to reveal a new one. Who knows what is in store for us next? God does and I promise you that if you give him the map, the wheel, the compas, you will arrive in places you never thought existed or that were possible, where love, faith, hope and peace come together in a real way.

******************

Thursday morning, after not a whole bunch of sleep (our bed at the hotel was so terrible that we could hardly move after day 2, it was as hard as sleeping on the floor and we have been in very serious back pain since then, making it hard to sleep), we got up and got ready for court day. We knew it would be a long day, as our appointed court time was not until 2:00 pm and we had to do some paperwork at the Russian notary first.

We enjoyed a little breakfast, where I promptly spilled a full glass of orange juice all over the table AND my folder of papers for court, including my speech. Luckily, a major disaster was averted and all papers were readable, but it was safe to say that my nerves were starting to surface.

This whole time since we came back from meeting Ian and then were actually issued a court date, I have managed to keep my nerves at a level kind of controlled calm. Our daily lives are pretty busy and pretty structured given Ari’s therapy schedule and until now, all of the adoption paperwork appointments.

My stomach I think, has been the secret hiding place of all the stress that I could not have coming to the surface each day and wreaking havoc all over the house. I’ll admit it, I can have a spaz in a heartbeat, and that is not good for relationships of any kind. I have gotten SO MUCH better, in great deal because of this adoption rollercoaster but, I still have my moments when I just want to blow a gasket!

At 10:30 am the Clarks and Craig and I all piled into the van and headed towards the unknown! Hysterically, the tension was quickly broken as the sound track to Star Wars started playing on Russian radio! We all split a gut laughing and then joked around about the “force being with us!” Then, to further make us all laugh hysterically, the next song to play was an older Kenny G ballad. John Clark piped up saying that the song was the exact one from the first birthing class he and Nina attended when they were expecting their first child! Baa, ha, ha, ha! How funny is that! On the way to ask for another child to be born into their family, the song burned into his mind from one of their other children's births was playing on Russian radio. Lightened the mood for certain, very funny stuff!

As the morning went on, my attempts to control those nerves of mine kept lessening. We visited the notary office, which is an excruciatingly long process here in Russia, and costs a small fortune because, while the notary does her usual thing, there is another person seated next to her that WRITES OUT BY HAND, the entire contents of EACH document you are notarizing. Yeah. While you sit there in that small office, just you, the notary, the ancient transcriptionist, and your facilitator, you have LOTS of time to think about what is coming next.

A hearing in a foreign court of law where you do not speak nor understand the language or the customs of court, and where there is a State PROSECUTOR that will question you and could object to you adoption, ending it all right there. So, I was able to sit and chew on all of that for the hour it took to notarize two documents. Awesome. Since we were there with the Clark family, I also got to then go sit in the hallway and stew on it for another hour while they got their documents notarized.

When we were done, we stopped in an adjoining Russian cafe for a coffee. I had to go back to the van and get some money. I also changed my shoes from heels to flip flops – I crave comfort! When I came back into the cafe, my eyes were focused on finding John and Nina and our facilitator so I totally missed the GIANT 4 inch thick piece of METAL bar that was sticking up in the doorway and TRIPPED over it, flailing and nearly falling hands first into the restaurant. Awesome. I stubbed by big toe so hard that I was sure it was broken and bleeding under the table. The pain was IMMENSE. Hello again nerves!

Before I get into this post any further, let me clarify something so that you understand why I am saying “I” for most of this, and not “we” meaning Craig and I. I am adopting Ian as a single parent. Craig and I are not married. There are several reasons why we chose to move forward this way, and not wait until we were married to start the process for Ian. In a nut shell, we would have been too late to save Ian, and, we did not think it would have been a favorable condition for us to be brand newly married, in the eyes of the court. In MANY countries, couples need to have been married for a certain length of time before they can adopt. In Haiti, that length of time is TEN years! In any event, even though Craig has been through every step and subject to many of the procedures and requirements as I have, he was not allowed into the courtroom and it was I alone that had to make the speech (usually the husband does it) and then stand tall while the judge examined.

Craig was right outside, but I stood there alone, and I was literally shaking as I was asked in by the court reporter. By now, it was 3:30 pm. Why was Ian’s case heard late you ask? Oh – funny story....

I love HOW and WHERE and with WHOM, God chooses to show up.

The Courthouse

When we arrived at the court house, we were ushered to a barren hallway with just a few benches and one green couch. It was here that we would wait. We all sat down. There was a teenaged Russian kid sitting on one of the benches. He was wearing a Bob Marley tee-shirt, and had some headphones jammed in his ears blasting some American rap song or something. I thought to myself, wow, I wonder what kind of trouble he’s in. He was an exceptionally good looking kid though, and I watched him for a while, as we settled into our many hours wait.

After a while, the people for the Clark’s hearing began to show up. There were some tense talks between our facilitator and them, and the Clarks got some last moment news about the rules of their daughters orphanage that would impact their travel to bring her home. I was listening intently because at first, Nina and I had thought we could travel together to come back and get the kids, sharing costs and supporting each other for the two weeks or longer that it will take to get Ian and Elizabeth out of Russia. To end your suspense, it will not be possible for us to travel together. BOO!

Anyway, and here is where God just passed through that small hallway at the courthouse, right in front of our faces. Remember the teenager with the Marley shirt on? Marley is Ari’s middle name by the way. Well, our facilitator asked him a question. I think she wanted to know if he knew who was inside the courtroom because our court translator was not there yet and it was fast approaching the 2:00 hour when the Clarks would be called. They spoke and then she pointed Craig and I out to him – he smiled, BIG. I was like – huh? Then, she said to us, “this boy is going to Atlanta.”

At that moment my brain sputtered and fired and then bam, I realized that I KNEW that young man!!!! His presence there was NOT random after all, and he was far from being in trouble for something. A few months ago we got a donation to our adoption from a couple that lives about 20 min. from us, Ashley and EJ Bowen. I do my level best to send a personal email to every single person that donates to us, no matter if it is $1.00 or $1,000.00, or their time or even a good wish via email, it is just something I have to do. Some people respond back, some don’t. Ashley Bowen however, did respond back. She told me a little bit about their own story, which included an adoption journey – to Russia. She gave me their blog address. I checked it out, the pictures, etc...got the gist of the story, they had done a hosting program for Russian orphans last summer. The kids come for a few months, the family pays the way, etc....the choose a kid that had been passed over three times (for three years) by families before them. The just felt CALLED to him.

...and then, on the same day, at the same time, in the same small dank hallway in a Russia courtroom in St. Petersburg, THEY HE WAS. Inside the courtroom, were Ashley and EJ Bowen, pleading to make Sergey their FIRST child! When I fully realized it, I was ecstatic! I hope Sergey didn’t think I was weird! I was smiling at him all goofy and asking him if the Bowen’s were inside, etc...and they were! Just a few moments later they emerged from the court room, Ashley was in tears, they were happy tears, their application to adopt Sergey had been approved, he is coming home to Atlanta, not far from us, in a few weeks.

When Ashley came out, I just looked at her and said, Ashley?” and she nodded and we hugged. We made dinner plans and then they were gone and not long after, the mood changed once again. Ya’ll – still, wasn’t that AMAZING that we would be there with them, meet Sergey, and witness their finalization? We could not meet back home, we live 20 min. from each other, but God gave us a chance to meet in St. Petersburg, on the same day and with the same judge, as we pleaded for the kids we love so much.

The Clark’s went in, I strained to listen, the walls are thin! Our facilitator put her ear to the door to try and determine how it was going. All the while, I felt only a little bit nervous. I had planned to read, word for word, all 25 pages of our homestudy, before court, so I would know it all cold. That never happened, I skimmed it but, you would be amazed at how the time goes when you are in country, and the exhaustion is profound, plus our bed issues, it all just made it hard to do all that we had planned to do. It's not a vacation, to be sure.

The Clark’s came out, they had been approved! Nina was crying, and another round of hugs were given.

Then it was my turn, ALONE. Don’t get me wrong, lots of single mothers adopt from Russia, but not since that single mother from the United States, who was a teacher, returned her adopted son to Russia on the plane ALONE. I was presenting to this court as a single parent, a teacher, wanting a son. OH LORD HELP ME SPEAK RIGHT! The court reporter ushered me in. At that exact moment, I FREAKED OUT! I began to shake, my hands would not be still, my heart rate went through the ROOF! I was so flipping nervous.

The court room was NOTHING like our court rooms here in the US. First off, this one was TINY. Really, it was not even the size of our kitchen! There are two long benches at the back, then the judge sits up front and there was a table n the middle. It is split level, so you are lower then the judge, court reporter, and others. The prosecutor sits to the left. I was told that when I came into the court room, the translator would orientate me. NEVER HAPPENED! They were running late and I found out much later, that the judge had heard case after case since about 9:00 am. So, I think I was on the express train, but I didn’t know that then.

We got started right away. In the courtroom was me, the translator (did not know her, we just met that moment), Nina – Ian’s orphanage social director, the doctor from the orphanage, and the kind of precinct representative over Ian’s orphanage (never met her either), and what I thought was a court Bailiff lady.

The actual proceedings are really too long to detail, but I will give a short synopsis in bullet points. It all took exactly one hour.

• Judge enters, all stand, then all be seated

• Case is announced, all persons present sign privacy notice, this is a closed hearing

• I say my name, address and birth date for the court

• I give my speech! Not memorized, read aloud, three pages, stopping every sentence or so for translation, meanwhile judge glances up at me, but spends her time looking through my file, I see her looking intently at the pictures of our home and our time with Ian

• The judge begins to ask me questions and I answer. She stays on the issue of behavior for some time – How will I discipline Ian? Will I use physical punishment? What if I loose my job tomorrow? What if Ian can never live on his own? Why do you want a child with Down Syndrome?

• Next, the Social Director from orphanage, the same one that LIVES ACROSS the STREET from where we stayed at the Marco Polo hotel (yeah – another amazing thing) spoke, she gave Ian’s history and then said, “Here, in Russia, he has no future.” She said it twice, she almost cried.

See? On the left here is our hotel and there, on the right, behind the grey sign is the apartment building of Nina, the social director of Ian's orphanage

• Then, the orphanage Doctor spoke. She stunned me with her speech. She told the judge that Russia should hire ME to work with the State to provide education instruction to caregivers on how to teach children with special needs. My mouth dropped to the floor! She then gave Ian’s detailed history and medical information.

• Next, the precinct person spoke. She again gave Ian’s history and then talked about our visits with Ian. She said she supported the adoption.

• Finally, the Bailiff, the woman who I watched pick at her nails and smile at me the whole time, stood up – TO SPEAK! Uhhh – she was not the Bailiff after all, but the PROSECUTOR! She again went over Ian's history and then she stated she supported the request for adoption! Yeah! This was big because in recent months, there have been horror stories about the prosecutors in Russian courts for American families adoption kids with Down Syndrome. This was a big hurdle.

• The judge left the courtroom and then as soon as the door was shut and before all of our behinds hit the seat, she came back in, read her decision, and it was over, Vasya became our son in that moment in time.

We all walked out, I thanked everyone and then another round of hugs were given. It was a good day.

Ian's new mama and papa!

Me, Elena, and Nina Clark

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We went back to our hotel, said farewell to our facilitator, and got ready to go and meet the Bowen’s for dinner in downtown at the same, really good, Chinese restaurant we had dinner with the Hook family during our April trip to Russia.

We took the subway again and it was again, easy pieces.

Entrance to the subway

The Russian subways are the deepest underground in the world

Along the way, I took some last pictures

This is my favorite coffee spot, although take out is not appreciated

McDonald's, never tried it, never will

KFC, took this picture for Craig

The "moo" car as we came to call it, took this picture for Ari:)

I cannot say enough about how wonderful our celebration dinner with this young couple was. We spent the whole time hearing and telling each of our adoption tales, and we were all in awe of one another. The Bowen’s journey has not been easy, and we were really blessed to have them as new friends to fellowship with. To meet them, click HERE.

Ashley Bowen and I on Nevsky Prospect

After dinner, we went back to the hotel, made some Skype calls, packed, and got ready to leave at 2:45 am for our 6:00 am flight to Germany. Here, you have to leave the island we stayed on before 3:10 am or else all of the bridges letting you off the island are UP! and you are stuck! Boris picked us all up as the Clarks were heading out to.

The bridges leading to and from Vasileovsky Island, where we usually stay

On our drive out of the city to the airport

The Hermitage at night

As we stepped up to the Luftsana counter, I sprang the fun surprise I had waiting on Craig.

We were not going home – yet!

Next stop, and tomorrows post – Paris!

For a celebration of our new son Ian, a top the Eiffel Tour!

Bon Soir!

It's a boy!

2011-07-15T06:51:00.002-04:00

May we introduce you to

Ian Will Stewart

Born April 1, 2006

Born into our family July 14, 2011

Coming home in August 2011

Day 3 - Shine

2011-07-13T15:33:00.015-04:00

Today was a free day for us, so this post will be short on words (short that is for me) and long and amazing on photographs from our destination of the day: Winter Palace, The Hermitage. Today’s musical guide is the song “Shine” performed by the gospel group Salvador.

I woke up to another day
Another day to celebrate
Your beauty and your mystery
Is more than any eye can see

We slept in, we are sleeping on a bed that rivals the floor in hardness. Craig and I are so much back pain, that our chance for rest is a double edged sword. Our sleep is totally off with the combination of jet lag and White Nights, we just do the best we can. Last night we were up until 2:00 am and then I was awake again at 5:30 because it is full daylight at that time of the morning here. I went back to bed around 7:30 and slept until noon.

We awoke and headed straight for the metro (subway). We had no problems using the subway at all and it is about $1.00 for a one way ride anywhere in this city. The metro here is buried DEEP underground. We only had to go one stop to reach the main drag, Nevsky Prospect. We then walked a few blocks, stopped for a coffee to go (they call it “take away”) and then a few more blocks to the Hermitage.

Getting into the Hermitage was an experience in and of itself and we wasted time doing so. If you are headed there, when you enter on the square, you are likely to see a line, for which you are likely to think is where to buy tickets. It is, however that first line is for an automatic ticket dispenser and not for a real box office.

SKIP THAT LINE! Keep going into the courtyard and to the palace, where you will see a line that might seem much longer than that first line towards the front, however it is really MUCH SHORTER. There are real people on the inside selling tickets! How about that! LOL. Buy an extra ticket so you can use your camera on the inside, it is 400 Rubles to get into the Hermitage per person, and 200 more for the camera – 1000 Rubles total for two people and a camera, about $36 bucks. GREAT DEAL for what awaits you inside! Coat and bag check are free and mandatory, you will not get into the Hermitage with a back pack, as we found out after waiting in another long line. Coat and bag check are secure and just to the right downstairs as you enter. There is a sign in English saying “luggage.”

In terms of being inside, I highly suggest buying the audio tour. We were so short on time we skipped it but there are so few signs in English inside to tell you what you are looking at or where to go to find the Davinci’s and the Rembrandt’s and the famous Peacock clock belonging to Catherine II.

We spent all the time we could inside, viewing what can only be described as one of the most incredible collection of art and relics, from places far and wide, in the world. The museum is one aspects of the Hermitage, the palace is another. The ornate beauty and incredible architecture is hard to pay attention to as the art is eye level. Forgetting to look up in each room means you missed something spectacular! One of the libraries belonging to the Tzar’s in the palace was UNBELIEVABLE! The detail was just mind blowing!

With you my life is so much more
Break the chains and open doors
To a world I can't ignore

So, I will lead with pictures of that room, as I could see myself there reading for weeks and weeks.

The remainder of this post will be nothing but the pictures we took from our day at the Hermitage. I know what some of the art is, but mostly was just beautiful and I have no clue what the pieces were or from where. I will say much is Russian as that is part of the Hermitage we spent most of our time in.

Oh, before the pictures of the inside, you HAVE to see what we did when we were on a wild goose chase for the entrance to the place (on the square by the way). I fed a bottle of milk to a little baby brown Russian BEAR! OH OH OH she or he (don’t know) was so so so super cute!!! It was 200 Rubles (around 6 bucks) for me to hold and feed her. She weighed about the same as Ari! She ate like him too LOL! When the keeper placed her in my lap, she kind of growled (startled me for a moment too) and then “reached” for her bottle and ate and ate. She loved to be held and she was cuddly! OH it was so much fun to hold a little baby bear! I loved it!

BTW, one could have also chosen to hold the following, none on which caught my fancy like that little brown bear: A BIG python snake, A tropical parrot, and three sizes of monkeys on a leash.

*************BLOG POST INTERMISSION!*************

L to R: John and Nina Clark (Maryland), me and Craig (Georgia), Wendy Sauder and her parents the Witzigs from Illinois

We had the good fortune and blessings to have a group dinner with us, the Clark's, and Wendy Sauder and her parents. Wendy is here to bring her new son, Joshua, home! He will be finally free on his Gotcha Day this Friday! We had a great dinner, laughed alot (always good when one is so far from home, ones children, and here under so much high emotion).We even met up with the now famous Boris L., who has been serving us families as personal liaison here in St. Petersburg. This is the same Boris L. I wrote about HERE

Boris is the tall guy next to Craig

For your eyes, may I humbly present our time at the world famous and rightly so, State of Russia Hermitage Museum, established in 1764. A reason in and of itself to travel all of this way to see.

The Winter Palace

Now, the State Hermitage Museum

Carriage rides from a time gone by, outside the Hermitage

The flag of the Russian Federation

The gates at Winter Palace

The reading rooms of the Tzars

Ornate stone work that you will miss if you do not look up while roaming the halls of the Hermitage

This piece is from the China collection

This is an ancient crown worn by Egyptian royals

Mid 18th century Russia

Tomb for a Tzar

An ancient game, B.C.

The painting above the entrance to the many, many halls of Winter Palace

Sleigh ride anyone?

Bronze work, American artisit

Sleigh's fit for King's

A Parisian 18th century clock

Entrance to the Roman exhibit, sorry no pics allowed past this point

Early Russian Interiors

Tzar's Throne

Battle gear

Winter Palace Furnishings

One of my favorite pieces, a clock from the 18th century in Russia

Always look up, or you will miss this! EVERY room has something amazing on the ceiling

Baby bassinet for Russian royal children

*******************************************

Lord let me shine
Shine like the moon
A reflection of you
All that I do
Lord let me be
A light for your truth
Light of the world
I want to be used
To shine for you

The babies of Russian royalty have slept in pure silk, and been adored and their images captured for all of time. Some are housed at the Hermitage. Yet, what about those that exist today, whose births were meant for much much more.....meant for changing hearts and minds and lives, for the better and to the glory of God.......there is a certain Little One who is very close to having a mama and a papa come for her, but they need us to be the hands and feet, now! You’d be surprised how far $5 bucks can go, when God’s army multiplies. Giving to them is giving to her, and it will change your heart to watch her come home.

CLICK HERE to be the change and help save this child

she's a princess of God

and, if you would, please add MATTHEW SOLDATKE to your prayers tonight, he is very, very sick and his parents are very, very afraid for his life tonight

*******************

From the Marco Polo Hotel, St. Petersburg, Russia we wish you a very safe, warm and restful good night, may God Bless you!

Tomorrow, COURT!